Fail

I failed. I failed, and I am sorry to my family members who have expressed how much they like reading my daily posts and seeing the pictures I include. I meant to write every day, and I haven't, and I suck.

Okay, I don't suck. I've just been busy. That's life. It happens, and it is okay. I fell off the writing horse, but I'm back on now. I've missed it, even though I have been trying to write at least a little something every day, even if it wasn't on here. 

We really have been busy! Alex is still visiting with us.The children are in some kind of Heaven having her here! Michael and I are both really enjoying the extended visit too. We might go crazy some day and go out on a date. Like a real one. With only us adults. 

We're working on getting Eleanor's room more "Eleanor's Room" and less "Storage For All Our Crap". I can't wait to post pictures when it is done. It's Harry Potter themed, you know, so it's going to be amazing. (I wanted so badly to write "It's going to be magical." just then. Because I'm a dork.) We've even painted a giant, golden mirror. It's grand. 

We have more visitors headed our way in just a couple of weeks! Uncle Ivy and Trenton will be here April 1st, and we are all over the moon to see them. It has been far, far too long!

June will again bring us visitors in the form of Aunt Harmony and Kylie. This is a complete surprise from the littles. They are going to lose their minds. Not only is Aunt Harmony one of their favorite people in the world, but they've never had this many visitors in the same year before. I love that they have the opportunity to be surrounded by so much family this year!

We're still waiting to find out what happens with us. We don't know if we'll still be living here in six months, will be moving up to Denver, will be in another state entirely...We have no clue, and I hate it. I hate my life and my family's life being up in the air like this. I get it. We're a military family. It's "what we do". I'm still allowed to hate it. I like roots and stability and familiarity, and we haven't had much of that in the last two years. I'm not a fan, but we will adapt and bloom where we are planted. There really isn't another choice.

I've been toying with the idea of a name change for the blog. After all, we have a bit more pink in our lives now. We might have more in the future. I am not sure. It's just an idea I'm playing with for now.

I'll write more. I enjoyed writing daily, and I have noticed an obvious increase in my anxiety and restlessness since I stopped. We can't have that!

Parker was Star Student at school a couple of weeks ago. We took several pictures of him representing his favorite things for his poster. I can't believe this boy is mine, but I love it! I love that he loves his team, no matter what, even knowing that his mommy doesn't. Lots of kids out there would just go along with their parent's team, but not mine! He marches to the beat of his own drummer, and in this case his drummer plays in "the best damn band in the land"! I'm okay with this. Don't tell him though. He is convinced his team choice has broken my heart and crushed me, and that it gets worse every time his team beats mine in anything. He thinks our "rivalry" is hilarious, and I love it! 

Fighting A Losing Battle

And no, I'm not talking about keeping up with my blog, though that seems to be a losing battle too. How is it possible that it's been almost two months since I've updated, and that I still have a ton of old posts that I need to post, especially from my Pin A Week projects? (Which I did do, I just haven't had time to post!) *sigh* I need to start making time for myself to blog at least once a week. I would like to do it more. I always seem to put making me time on a list, but it usually falls somewhere near the bottom and so gets overlooked. I promise I am going to do better. For the love of goodness, I need to blog. It relaxes me.

I digress. The losing battle I am talking about tonight is the Santa Battle, though I am trying hard to keep the good fight going on our side. You see, we are those parents. The ones who decided years ago, when our oldest son was still growing in my tummy, that we were not going to do Santa the "traditional" way. We always wanted our children to know and be thankful for where their presents came from. To appreciate the thought and effort that went into the gifts sent by grandparents, uncles, aunts, great-grandparents and what their Daddy and I picked out for them. We didn't want them thinking that some mythical fat elf was bringing them toys from the North Pole based on their level of good behavior that year.

We also wanted them to understand the true reason behind the season. Not only about the birth of our Lord and Savior, though that is certainly the most important part of it, but the spirit of giving and love and the joy and blessing it is to do for others instead of just for yourself. So, in addition to teaching them about the birth of Jesus and the religious aspects of the holiday, we also have told our oldest about St. Nicholas. The real St. Nicholas and how the stories of his generosity and good will, especially towards children, have shaped and morphed into the beautiful story that is Santa Clause today. We have explained to him how it is fun to pretend, and it makes parts of the season seem more magical. We have also explained to him that many children truly, truly believe, and that it is important that we don't take that magic away from him. He is very good about keeping our "special secret" and goes right along when any of his little friends talk about Santa, usually giving me a big grin from across the room like we are sharing our own secret, which makes it more magical to me in a way.

As he has gotten older, it has become a harder tight rope to walk. You see, Santa is so ingrained in everything Christmas, that it is almost impossible for children not to hear of him. It was never our intention to completely eliminate Santa from the Christmas traditions we enjoy as a family anyways. The boys have always had their picture taken with Santa, though we have always explained that it was a person who enjoyed dressing up and pretending to be Santa, just like he likes to dress up and pretend to be a firefighter, Spider Man, or Darth Vader. We read a new copy of The Night Before Christmas every Christmas Eve, which of course is entirely about Santa Clause, but we also read the story of the first Christmas and the birth of Jesus and talk about it with him at length as the season unfolds around us. It's a balancing act that, until very recently, has been working very well. 

It still isn't so much that it isn't working, but that there are certain traditions that I find I would love to share and that I think they, especially our oldest, would really enjoy, but that make me worry that we'll somehow be sending him mixed signals. For example, the Elf On The Shelf that several of my friends have been doing with their littles for years. Taking away the fact that I think the little Elf looks just a little creepy, I think that there is the potential to have a lot of fun with it. I know that it would delight Parker to wake up every morning and search the house for what mischief our Elf had been in the night before. But isn't that going directly against our wish that he not think some fat, jolly elf is watching him and judging his behavior to decide how many presents he deserves? If we don't do stuff like that, will they be missing out on important parts of their childhood? 

It's been an issue that, early as we are into the season, has already given me much pause this year. I have started to realize recently that my worry that he might lose sight of what is really important might be making it harder for me just to sit back and enjoy the magic of his imagination. I don't want to brag, but I have a pretty bright kid, and I think I have been severely underestimating his intelligence in this aspect of our lives. When he dresses up as Darth Vader, part of him very much believes that he is Darth Vader, but he also knows deep down that he isn't. I think the same can be said about these kinds of things. Does he know that Santa isn't eating the cookies and milk we leave out? Yes, he does. But it's also fun to pretend. Will he believe that a little toy elf is really dancing around the house at night while we sleep causing mischief? Probably not, but I think he'll have a fun time pretending he is. We balance precariously on the thin line between not wanting to take away the magic but still wanting him to keep a firm handle on what is truly important about the season, and I don't think the whole thing is as complicated as I have been making it out in my head. He doesn't have to truly believe that these things are 100% real to have fun pretending, and I don't have to compromise our desires as parents in order to give him (and his brother and our future children) traditions and memories that he will hold with him for years to come. 

I personally remember setting out milk and cookies (and carrots for the reindeer) well into my teens, far past the time I believed, but because doing it still kept some of that magic alive that we all need so much of in our lives. (I also remember my brother being teased sometime in first grade because he did truly believe, and I had to be the one that sat him down and told him the horrible truth...which might be why I am so conflicted in this particular subject in the first place.) 

So, we will continue to go see Santa at the mall, to put out cookies and milk, and to read The Night Before Christmas as we snuggle together in our brand new jammies on Christmas Eve night. We will also continue to talk to the boys about Jesus and his love for us and the joyous occasion of his birth, and about the real St. Nicholas and how he taught about being generous of heart. The boys will not have gifts under the tree from Santa, but rather from the people in their lives who love and care from them most. We will also start a new tradition this year. Creepy little face aside, Michael and I stopped by the book store tonight on our date night to pick out our own little Elf On The Shelf. He came home with us and is currently awaiting his naming, which will probably happen tomorrow. (I might have another battle on my hands entirely in order to keep him from being named Darth or Castle Crasher, but that's another story.)

Yes, I find him creepy (Though I wish my sister, who is terrified of dolls, was here right now. I would have so much fun with that!), but the point is that I think the boys will get a kick out of him. (And I am having a lot of fun planing out his month of mischief, I have to admit.) He isn't so much going to be reporting to Santa as he is going to be helping us get the house read for Christmas and our celebration of Jesus's birth. It's all about balance, and why I am sure that I've put way too much thought into this, at least no one can accuse me of doing anything on a whim.

This could be a fun blog series. The Adventures of ________ the Elf. Hmmmm. There is potential there.

 

P90X Week 1

Yes, I've done it. Decided to tackle P90X. I have no idea what I was thinking, except that I am tired of being sad and angry every time I look in the mirror. (And quite a bit of the between times too.) No, I don't just sit on the couch stuffing my face. I have numerous health issues and numerous doctors have dropped the ball. I am not the only reason I am this way. But I am the only person who can get me to a healthy place. The people who have neglected to get me what I need medically are not going to be the ones kicking my own butt to get me to where I want and need to be. I have to put all my anger at them behind me and realize that I'm the only person who can pick me up.

Luckily, I have some amazing support in my husband and boys. Somehow, killing myself in a workout is so much easier when my almost 3 year old is next to me doing all the moves and chanting "Go, Mommy, go! Go, Mommy, go!"

So, p90X it is...because trying Insanity might actually kill me. Maybe after a round or two of P90X I'll tackle it, but not now. Can't let my ego get in the way. :0)

Way Too Long

Well, here I am again. And it has been way too long, but there has been a lot going on outside of cyberland. First, just a few days after my last post, I ended up in the hospital for a week. My pancreas was broken. :0) Turns out my gallbladder was left to stew for far too long, (thanks Mountain Home) and just put a lot of stress on my pancreas. Hopefully it won't become a chronic issue, but I can tell you that I have some kind of pain, even if it is just slight, almost every time I eat. 

It was a tough recovery. Michael had to take emergency leave...a big mess. But it passed. The bad things always do.

And then, of course, there is just every day life with two boys. (three if you count my husband, which I do) They keep me hopping, but in a good way. Parker has been potty trained in the daytime for almost a year now, but I had been scared to make the jump into nap and bedtime. 14 extra loads of laundry a week did not appeal to me. 

However, I apparently need to have more faith in my son. Michael let him take a nap one day in big boy underwear and the rest is history. He's been 100% diaper free for over a month now, and I am so proud of him. I need to stop underestimating him it seems. 

Oh, and we are preparing for yet another deployment. Yay. (Can yo feel the sarcasm dripping from that statement?) It's not right, or fair, or even in his deployment cycle, but we do what we do because there isn't another choice. Michael and I aren't happy, and Parker has begged Michael not to leave, but he also knows that Daddy has to go and "take care oft he bad guys". We are proud of him, just sad about what he will miss out on. We're hoping to take a small vacation before he goes, but we have no idea if he'll be able to get the leave. We're crossing our fingers. Not that it usually does much good. Ah well. One can always dream.

I also started another blog called Letters To My Sons. It is exactly what it sounds like. A place for me to write letters to my boys that, hopefully, they will be able to look back at one day and smile at if nothing else. 

I know I have said this before, but I really will be on more. At least, I'll try. :0)

 

New Year, New Me

Another year down and a new one beginning. Another chance for everyone to make those resolutions that they don't keep and then feel guilty for...until the new year when they do it all over again.

Not me. Not this year. This year, I'm sticking to them. After all, I'm not making any promises that I can't keep. And honestly, who am I letting down if I don't keep them. It's not just me anymore. I'm not in the habit of letting down my boys, and these are for them. 

Pink In A House Of Blue

So, I have changed things. I feel I have entered a new era in my life and I think that should be reflected in my blog as well. I plan on completely revamping it...yet again...and I am in desperate need of a better header, but for now I have just changed the name. While keeping the "Letters Arranged Into Words" theme, I am now Pink In A House Of Blue. I think it's appropriate. After all, that is exactly what I am as of now. And I'm quite enjoying it.

So, don't be surprised to see things change up a bit as I decide what I want to do. I hope you enjoy my new journeys as much as I am sure I will enjoy having them. (Most of them anyways.)

Dear Gallbladder

Dear Gallbladder, 

This isn't working out. We've given it a good run, really we have. After all, most relationships don't last almost 28 years. But I can't do this anymore. We were just fine until I got pregnant with Parker, but you started to hurt me then. You stopped after he was born, and I thought maybe...but it all started up again when I got pregnant with Sebastian, and this time, it's just gotten worse. So, I am sorry, but it's time for us to part ways. A part of me will always miss you, but I just can't do it anymore. I'm going back to my life. 

Always,

Me

Back

There are lots of things that are "back" right now. We are back in Idaho after an amazing, whirlwind Summer in Ohio. Daddy is back home from Afghanistan, which is thrilling for everyone involved. I am back on the blog too, and certainly hope to be updating more often now that things are getting back to normal. You would think that during a deployment and pregnancy I'd blog more because I'd need the outlet. And I do, but I seemed to blog much less this Summer than I am used to. Ah well. Maybe next time.

Work In Progress

My blog, like my self, is always a work in progress. It changes as I change, but I find I am coming very close to something I am happy with, and might be for awhile. I am not 100% happy with my banner, but that can be changed, and probably will be with the arrival of Baby Legs in just about 10 weeks. (Since it is after midnight on the East Coast and that is where I am at the moment, I am officially 30 weeks right now!)

The point is that, for right now at least, my blog is getting closer to where I want it. I added something tonight that I am just so darn proud of that I felt the need to share it! Who cares what anyone else thinks, because I am thrilled!

Neglect

I feel that I have been terrible neglectful to my poor little blog lately. Also, to anyone who reads my musings. I haven't done any of my weekly memes in about 2 weeks, nor my Scripture Sundays, which I feel terribly about. All I can say is that we have had a series of terribly unfortunate events in our little bear den the last couple of weeks that has made the blog neglect almost a necessity.

Medical Update

If I seem like I am around a little less than usual for the next week or so, it's because of my new medication.

I got to see my new endocrinologist this past week, and I really like him. The man really seems to know what he's talking about, which is more than I can say for most of the people I talk to out here. He even raised my Synthroid, saying that I probably haven't been on the right dosage for years. Apparently, most doctors goals are to have someone with a thyroid disorder get their levels down to normal for someone with that disorder...Dr. Krueger's goal is to get my levels down to normal for anyone.

A Little New

So, I'm doing a couple of small changes to the blog this weekend. First off, I have a new siggy. (Part of the reason I am typing this is to check it out.) Second, I will be re-vamping the blogs header. 

I also have added Picture of the Week and Quote of the Week boxes in the left and right columns. It is an idea I got from my cousin, so thank you Alexandra! I think it's a really neat addition to any blog!