Be In The Picture

Like many mothers, I often find myself behind the camera instead of in front of it. I don't often find myself in front of the camera, and when I do I rarely like what I see. It's easier to hind behind my lens and capture memories of my amazingly beautiful children than it is to hand the camera off to someone else and put myself in front of it. Of course, we now live in the day and age of cell phones and selfies, and my older two have started asking more and more for selfies with mommy. Sometimes I oblige and then sit there criticizing every wrinkle and grey hair. Sometimes I make up an excuse why I can't right now just to avoid having to look at my adorable children next to the tired looking mess that is their mother. 

It has to stop. My children want pictures with me, and I want to give them that. It's easy to say to myself "When I get my greys dyed." or "When I loose 20lbs.", but they want the pictures now and they shouldn't have to go without that because their mother struggles with her self esteem. One of the reasons I love photography and being the person behind the lens is that it is a way for me to capture memories forever. Memories of my children as babies, spending all to rare time with their extended families, remembering those milestones that are so precious...and I owe it to them to give them those memories of me too. It's easy to say "later...after...when...", but what if, God forbid, that day doesn't come. What if I get sick? What if there is an accident? What if there isn't a chance for me to leave those memories for them? All that aside, what if they just look at me one day when I am far older and more wrinkled and ask "Mom, why aren't there any pictures of you and me when I was small?"

So, I have decided that 2016 is the year of being in front of the camera as much as I am behind it...almost. 2016 is the year I am going to launch my personal Be In The Picture project. (I even made neat little tags on Instagram! #beinthepictureproject and #beinthepictureproject2016) I am going to do it. For them. For my husband. For myself. Not only am I going to try to be in the picture more, but I'm going to try to see me how they see me. Strong, and funny, and with a belly that "wobbles all silly". (And he said it like it was a good thing, my Bash!) I'm going to try to see the beauty they do instead of the wrinkles and grey hair and sleepy bags. 

We went to Garden of the Gods on Saturday, and I made a conscious effort to be in front of the camera more despite the fact that my hair was in a messy pony tail, I looked tired because the little girl hadn't been sleeping well, and I was in work out clothes. I made sure to be in both my cell phone camera pictures and my Canon, which I had Michael carry knowing that he would be more likely to get pictures of me that way. (I only have cell phone pictures in this post.) I had a lot of fun showing Alex around, climbing up and down beautiful rock formations, and taking goofy pictures with my family. I have to do it more often. I want all these memories to include me too after all. 

Eleanor hasn't been herself. Her brothers have passed a cough and runny nose down to her, and while that seems to be all that it is, it's keeping her up nights. Lack of sleep=tired, cranky baby. On the other hand, she was perfectly content to be worn the entire time we were at Garden of the Gods, and even fell asleep with the sun shade over her head after awhile. Even tired and not smiling she is gorgeous! 

I am firmly convinced that Garden of the Gods is one of the most beautiful places in Colorado!

"Mommy! Take a picture of us!" I don't even have to pose them. They just automatically grab onto one another as if they never want to let go. I love these boys so very much!

These are my "Happy Shoes", because they make me happy to wear. Yes, I sing Pharrell's song in my head every time I put them on. Sometimes I sing it out loud. I love these shoes!

When I say "Hey, Alex, come here!" she immediately pops up around my shoulder for a goofy picture. Because she is my SisterCousin, and that is how we do things in this family. I am so, so glad that she decided to come visit us out here in Colorado!

I usually wouldn't have shared this picture. I am not thrilled with how I look in it at all, but it's me and my husband and a baby photo bomb, and I want to look back on it one day and laugh! So, here we are. Not perfect, but pretty darn awesome! #beinthepictureproject

I love this picture, and wish it was on the camera instead of just my phone! It's contrasty, and off centered, and about as amateur as you can get, but I love it. We were all "baby wearing", even though for Michael and Alex that meant that they were giving piggy back rides without the help of my rocking Ergo. You can see all 6 of us, even the top of Eleanor's little head, and we all look so freaking happy! I love it! It's currently my profile picture on Facebook. I want it framed. I love my family! 

I love this man. I am doing this Be In The Picture thing for him too. I want these pictures. I want them for him if anything were to ever happen to me, and I want them for us when we are old and grey and remembering. I've spent the last fourteen years of my life with him as my partner, and I want a record of the next 70 years too!

"Mommy! Take a selfie with me!"

"I think that makes it an Us-ie then."

"Okay. Let's take an us-ie."

We took this one three times, because we needed three times, but we are still pretty awesome. (And this one was so much better than the one before it. Be In The Picture project or not, there was no way I was posting that!) 

All three of my boys want to rock climb. They watched a group of young men climbing while we were there, and then chattered excitably about how they would do that one day. It makes Mommy a nervous wreck, but even Alex argued that they have "safe" places to do it. It seems I am outnumbered. I wonder if it will embarrass them to have their mother running around beneath them with a mattress yelling "Don't worry, sweetie! I'll catch you!" 

Be in the picture, friends. You can even hashtag it on Instagram! Just be in the picture. 

I Live Here

I know I talk about how homesick I am quite a bit, and I am. It took moving across the country to realize how very much I love Ohio, and I'm not ashamed of that at all.

On the other hand I also frequently have moments like we had this evening. Moments where I look up as we're driving and think to myself My God. I live here! Colorado is truly, breathtakingly beautiful. 

I live here. We might not know how long we have here, but I'm going to enjoy it while we can. It's pretty awesome.

Snowmageddon 2016

It's winter in Colorado. This means that we've spent quite a bit of time inside lately. Even when we don't have snow (and we don't have as much as you'd think) the wind cutting over Pike's Peak is often blowing too hard and too frigid to spend a lot of time outdoors. 

The last few days have been spring like though. Not shorts weather by any means, (though Parker has tried) but the boys have been able to wear only their fleeces while they build elaborate obstacle courses in the back yard. 

They say it's just the calm before the storm though, because apparently Snowmageddon 2016 is knocking on our door tomorrow. I've certainly commented before that I'm surprised how they handle snow out here. A couple of inches is treated like a couple of feet would be back home, and I guess I expected people living at the base of a mountain range to be more used to it. They aren't. The lines at the grocery stores reached all the way back to the dairy section today as everyone stocked up for the end of the world. 

We avoided that, and instead decided to play out front while we could. The boys ran over to get their friends two doors down, and The Lady ran up and down our front walk laughing with delight. Every time she reached me she'd throw her arms around me as if she hadn't seen me in weeks. It's lovely to feel so special! 

She loves the wind!

After awhile she decided she'd run after her brothers and their friends, (who were just so sweet to her too) and I chatted with their mama as it got obviously cooler. Maybe there is something to this Snowmageddon thing after all. I guess we'll see tomorrow. I'm predicting 2-3 inches tops, and utter chaos because of it too. We'll see. If you don't hear from me I'm probably dancing in the middle of the street singing Do You Want to Build a Snowman? at the top of my lungs. 

Let It Snow!

It snowed! It snowed, and we got The Lady's fuzzy and warm new-to-her boots in the mail, so we bundled up and went outside to play for just a little bit.

I know that some people hate the snow and cold. I love it! Maybe not as much as I loved it when I was a child, because I seem to get cold a lot faster these days, but I still love it. I especially love my children playing in it. Believe it or not we didn't get much snow in Idaho. Parker used to get sooooo excited for a dusting where the grass was still more visible than the actual snow. We get more here, but I'm surprised at how unprepared people in Colorado seem for snow. 

Some people dream of moving to the tropics so that they never have to deal with it again. Not me. I love the snow. I could never, ever live somewhere that there was no chance of snow. Let it snow!

How can you not like snow when you see the joy it brings to this little life?!

 

Hi. My name is Holly, and I'm...

...Loud. If you've met me you already know this. If you haven't this is your warning. It's not like I go around screaming in libraries or anything, but you probably won't have to strain to hear me often either. I'm loud. I've spent a lot of my life trying not to be loud, being made to feel bad about it, or being judged for it. I'm still loud. I also curse more than I should. (Sorry, Grandmama.) I'm trying to get better about the cursing though. After all, the littles are watching. Besides, thinking of creative, non-cursing ways to express myself can be fun. Or at least figuring out non-American curses I can throw at people that sound awesome enough that people aren't entirely sure what I'm calling them until I'm long gone. 

Anyways...

Apparently some people think my being loud means that I'm angry all the time or something. It doesn't. I'm always loud. I'm loud when I'm angry, yes, but I'm also loud when I'm happy, sad, scared, delighted, perplexed, excited, tired, giddy...You get the idea. I'm loud. I'm not loud when it isn't appropriate. I'm not loud, or even talkative when I'm out of my element or around people I don't know. In fact, quite the opposite, I tend to get so quiet that I can apparently come off as standoffish and "bitchy". I guess I'm "loud" even in my silence. I suppose I make up for that by being extra loud when I'm in my spaces and around people I'm comfortable with. Here in Colorado that would be my family.  

People apparently don't like this. I've apparently become the talk of some of the more childish folks here on base. And you know what. I'm okay with it. It's taken me quite awhile, but there are some things about me that I'm starting to like. Not all of the time. Old habits are hard to break, so I don't want it to seem like I'm dancing around 24/7 with an "I don't give a #*$%!" attitude. But I have this inner bad ass named Roxie that started to appear sometime around 30, and sometimes when it starts to bother what other people say or think she'll appear, give me a good kick in the tush, and say something like "Jesus, Holly, you're loud! It's who you are. They can get over it or they can go screw themselves, but it's their loss. Not yours."

So, I'm loud. That's my great confession of the day. That, and I guess the fact that I have an imaginary inner bad ass named Roxie. *thumbs up* I'm kind of strange. 

Michael's on mids tonight, the boys room has been silent for awhile, and my tiny dancer is fast asleep. I could clean, watch Doctor Who reruns, read...Decisions, decisions. 

(Immediately after writing that a little boy that I know sneaked up silently and peeked through my door. It took everything in me not to scream bloody murder. Never a dull moment with these three!) 

Autumn Pictures at Garden of the Gods

I'm not a professional photographer. Not even close. However, I do enjoy taking photographs, and I happen to have a nice camera. It gets me by while I wait for a chance to go home and see our professional photographer for family pictures, and sometimes it allows me the chance to take some family pictures for friends. I have a lot of fun doing it, and yesterday was no exception, especially considering that I got to take pictures of some of the most photogenic kids ever. (Excepting my own three, of course. ;) )

This family has been friends of ours since we moved here to Colorado. I was sort of terrified a little nervous when they asked me to take some family pictures of them. I know from shooting my own littles how unpredictable children can be. When it's my family I can pack it up on a bad day and try again tomorrow, but that doesn't work when it's someone else's family, and I would hate to completely butcher someone's family pictures. But I enjoy taking photos, and I thought they would probably understand if everything went pear shaped on us. Besides, what is life without a little adventure, right? 

We were blessed with such amazing weather, especially for November. We're also blessed to have the whole of Colorado to shoot in, and while I am an Ohio girl at heart, I can't state enough how breathtakingly beautiful this state is! We decided to meet at Garden of the Gods, which is always pretty, but it seemed exceptionally so yesterday. Everything went better than I could have hoped, and the problem ended up being how to choose which pictures were the best of the best. I'll try to only share my absolute favorites here, but it could still end up being a pretty long post. :)

Did I mention that these children are gorgeous! Not only that, but they are naturals. I didn't have to direct them in how to pose at all. I told them where to be and they did the rest. Love it when things come together like this!

We were lucky enough to meet this little girl right after she was born, and she was present when Eleanor arrived too. It took a bit for her to warm up to me, even though she knows me. I remembered what my amazing friend and photographer, Katie, told me once though. If you want to photograph kids you have to be willing to make a fool of yourself. Once I started acting like a goofball I managed to get more smiles out of her. Having her bog brother and sister behind me acting silly helped too.

Oh my word, so I told you these kids were amazing, right? All I had to say was "Come sit here." The rest of this is all him. And I love it! They made this too easy for me. I'm not sure what I was worried about at all. 

Yes, yes, I've said they have beautiful children. Now, how about the beautiful parents!

You kinda just want to smack them they're so cute, right?

This last one that I'm about to post was probably my favorite. It made it in the top 3 at least. We were all cold and ready to go when Lily said "Let's all try to fit on this rock!" I thought that, surely, it was going to end up being an odd throwaway picture. Always try for those odd pictures, folks, because they might surprise you. 

I said I was only going to post my 10 favorites. I guess bumping it up to 15 isn't bad. I can't wait to take pictures of these guys again. It was truly a joy.