Let It Snow!

It snowed! It snowed, and we got The Lady's fuzzy and warm new-to-her boots in the mail, so we bundled up and went outside to play for just a little bit.

I know that some people hate the snow and cold. I love it! Maybe not as much as I loved it when I was a child, because I seem to get cold a lot faster these days, but I still love it. I especially love my children playing in it. Believe it or not we didn't get much snow in Idaho. Parker used to get sooooo excited for a dusting where the grass was still more visible than the actual snow. We get more here, but I'm surprised at how unprepared people in Colorado seem for snow. 

Some people dream of moving to the tropics so that they never have to deal with it again. Not me. I love the snow. I could never, ever live somewhere that there was no chance of snow. Let it snow!

How can you not like snow when you see the joy it brings to this little life?!

 

Beach Analogy

I was laying there today, floating along several yards off the shores of Clearwater Beach, looking at my toes as they bobbed above water, and two thoughts flew into my head. First off, how much I wish I'd painted my toes some pretty, bright color. Maybe a red. (I seem to be getting more girly in my old age. I feel a desperate need for bottles and bottles of pretty nail polish, and I recently bought my very first tube of stunning red lipstick!) Then I could take an awesome picture of them as they bobbed in and out of the waves. (If I'd had my camera out there, which I wouldn't have.) Second, how my floating there in the water lazily waiting for the waves to deposit me back on the shore made up a pretty good analogy for how I'd been feeling this week. (I was also hoping that a shark wasn't going to swim up and eat me, but I always hope that when I'm at the beach. I've seen Jaws too many times.)

We found out some pretty big news this week. It's huge. It's exciting, and it's something we've been praying for and wanting for a long time. So, when we found out, my first reaction was an almost overwhelming joy. Michael and I hugged, laughed, cried, and gave silent cheers (not wanting to wake up the littles, who were sleeping just feet away), both so happy that our prayers had been answered.

And then it hit me. Everything is going to change. And then I got scared. 

We're a military family. Out life is change. However, we've been at the same base now for five and a half years. It's not my favorite place, but I think it could be if only we were closer to family. I grew up with family close. I enjoyed the structure, the stability, the bonds I have with all members of my family. It's been a big worry for me that the boys won't have that. that they won't have a place they can come back to and feel like they are home, because the life of military families is a life of moving around and change. Except we've been at our base for five and a half years, with no sign of orders on the horizon. We have made an established, comfortable home in Idaho, even if it's not my favorite place. It is still my sons's home. And if it's home to him, that's important to me.

And this news means we'll be moving "soon". To a new place, with new people, and new experiences. While that is exciting to an extent, it is also scary. And as I thought about telling my oldest that we were going to have to leave my stomach began to tie its self into knots. Idaho is his home! It's his safe place. It's what he knows, and that is going to be taken away from him. No matter how much we wanted orders and wanted this change, it makes me sad to know that he is going to be sad, worried, and scared. No mother wants that for her babies, and I can't stop it. 

To make it worse for the planner in me, we don't know when or where we will be moving yet. (Which explains the quotations around the word soon from the paragraph above) In fact, it could be many, many months before we do know. It could be more than a year before this happens, or it could be six months from now. We have no idea. I am not the type of person who enjoys feeling out of control, but there you have it. There isn't a thing I can do about it. Or the fact that, as much as we don't like Idaho, we are very aware that we could end up somewhere far worse. Or even farther away from family. And that would be so sad. 

I'm also not the type of person who makes new friends without effort, and I hate leaving old ones. I try to make friends, but I am shy, and awkward, and a little backwards, and it takes me time. I cherish the people in my life who have managed to scratch through all that oddness on the surface and see who I really am inside, and I am going to hate leaving those people behind. It's not as bad as it could have been  in a different age. And age before Facebook and Skype and unlimited long distance, but it isn't the same as showing up on a friend's doorstep loaded up with babies, toys, food, and the promise of fun. It's not the same as being so comfortable in another person's house that you kick off your shoes, roll up your sleeves, and help with dinner and mopping and children as if it were your own home.

It's change, and change is scary. It is exciting, and new, and something we wanted, but it's also a little bit scary to know that your life isn't ever going to be quite the same again.   

So, back to me bobbing around on the waves at Clearwater staring at my toes and having deep thoughts about how this paralleled my life. :) There I was, splayed out in the water like a little girl and allowing the waves to bounce me around wherever they wished as I alternated looking up at the sunset streaked sky and my dismally unpainted toes, and I realized that I didn't really know where the current was taking me. (Though I would hopefully land somewhere close to where we had deposited our bags and towels before everyone tore off at breakneck speed for the joys of the waves.) I didn't know when I was going to get there, or what the stretch of beach I landed on would be like. I didn't know who the poor tourists would be wherever I happened to make shore or what they were going to think of the crazy almost thirty year old woman who washed up at their feet. Heck, I didn't know that a shark wasn't going to swim up and bite me in the rear end as I sat their pondering. (I sincerely hoped that they would not.)

What I did know was that, wherever I happened to be when I finally climbed out of the salty water, my family would be there waiting for me. They would smile and laugh and wrap me in their arms and it would feel like home. The ground would be solid under my feet, and if I did happen to stumble in the sand, my husband would be there to steady me. There would be pretty shells and not-so-pretty seaweed, and we would oooh and ahhh over the one while refusing to dwell on the other. I would photograph everything to chronicle yet another new adventure, and life will be good.

And it will be after all these big changes come too. Because we have each other.

And because it wouldn't feel right to have a post with absolutely no pictures, here they are. My plain, boring, unpainted toes. I think they need a remodel. However, I do have brand new, bright red, polka dot flip flops, and that is pretty fun! New can be awesome!

The USAF: Reflections

Looking at my blog, I guess I really don't blog about the Air Force much. I probably should. After all it's a major part of our lives...and often a frustrating one...and blogging is one of my main sources for venting my frustrations.

Never Enough Time

 There just isn't enough time.We've been in Ohio almost three weeks now, and even with every waking hour a busy one, we didn't have enough time. We didn't have the time we wanted with friends. We didn't get to go all the places we wanted to see. We didn't get to spend the time we needed to with family...

...and tomorrow we go back to Idaho.

It feels like only yesterday I was writing a blog about my fears of flying and how the next time I wrote I would be in Ohio. I didn't have time for most of our trip to even write a short one liner, but I had to get at least one blog in while listening to the sound of birds, where I can look out my window and see trees and all things beautiful.

It has been an amazing trip. I am sure that it will take several blogs to write about it fully, and even then I won't be able to express everything I would like to. I am not that good of an author, nor am I emotionally stable enough to be capable of putting a name to all the emotions I am feeling. Despite the fact that this has been an amazing 3 weeks, I have been filled with a measurable tint of sadness the whole time. Leaving tomorrow will be so much harder than it was the first time, because I know what is awaiting me on the other side of the trip. I have amazing friends and "framily" back in Idaho that I miss very much and who I can't wait to see, but the longing for Ohio that I know is waiting for me as well will not be so welcomed. On the flip side of that, things have changed, and in some cases, changed to a point where I will be happy to leave them behind. Memories can be much sweeter than the truth in some cases.

Tomorrow we get on a plane again...and I am just as scared this time around. Unlike other fears, that doesn't seem to be one that leaves me over time. I am praying we make it through safely and that we get to see our Framily back home...and I am praying that we get to make the return trip sooner rather than later. The next time I write, I will be back in Idaho. 

Thank you for reading and God Bless.

 

It's Been A Long Time Coming...

 

I am so excited to finally be typing this!!!

Two and a half years ago, exhausted both emotionally and physically, Michael and I packed the car up with the "kids" (which, at that time, consisted of only our three furry children) and left Ohio! We were on our way to adventure and excitement in Idaho...OK, not so much. But "Home is Where the Air Force Sends You", and they sent us to Idaho. So, you make the best of it. (And pray for orders!)

We haven't been home since that cold December morning. I haven't even left the state in the last 2 and a half years, and while Michael has left, neither trip was exactly a vacation. (Once was for his grandfather's funeral and the other was for his deployment.) Members of my family have come out twice, but there is still much of my family that has never met Parker. None of Michael's family has. We haven't seen our oldest niece in over 2 years, and we've never even met our youngest niece yet. It's hard, but it is also the military life, and we have to take the good with the bad. (And there is good, believe it or not.)

But now I can finally say it!!! WE'RE GOING HOME!!! Not for good or anything, but for almost 3 weeks in May! Michael got his leave approved today and I booked the tickets right away! he specifically didn't take leave after coming home from his deployment so that he would be able to ask for longer leave this Spring. We've wanted to go home for so long, and didn't know if we'd be able to make it this year. Michael is testing for Rank and there is a lot going on in the shop this Summer...we just weren't sure it was going to happen. The tickets are bought now though, so short of some emergency, we're going!!!

Before moving, I had never gone for more than a month without seeing my grandparents, now it has been 2 and a half years. I never imagined a time when I would go a year without going to the movies with my sister or that I wouldn't be the one taking my brother out when he turned 21 last winter. It's just so different. Like I said, it is the life, and we take the good with the bad, but I can hope for a day when we are stationed closer to home. I want to see the world and experience other countries and cultures, but while the children are little I would love for them to be closer to their family.

I can always dream, right?

Right now I'll take what I can get, and what I can get is a vacation home with my two favorite guys to see our amazing family and friends and framily!!! I am so excited!!!

God bless and thank you for reading!

Getting Ready For Easter

We've taken a break in all the party planning to prepare for the Easter holidays coming up. (Well, I haven't really taken a break in party planning...I've more just taken on some extra planning for Easter on top of the party planning for his Idaho and Ohio birthdays...)

 

It will be Parker's first Easter. He missed Easter last year by exactly 5 hours and 31 minutes, though he did make sure that I had an enjoyable Easter evening in the hospital, deciding that it would be a perfect time to send Mommy into labor. I had a basket and outfit and everything all set up, just in case my Bunny Boo decided to arrive in time for the holiday, but he was just a little late, so will be celebrating his first Easter on April, 4, 2010.

He will also be having his first chocolate on Easter, since it seemed like a good time to me to experience that particular milestone. Most people think I'm nuts that my almost one year old has yet to taste chocolate. My response is that he will have what he needs in his own time, despite what anyone else thinks. He has also never had cake, and his first will be his birthday cake the day he turns one.

I've been busily putting together a basket for him as well as my nieces. I will have to get theirs in the mail this week so that they will have it in time for the holiday. I miss them, and wish they were here to celebrate Easter with us! I think organizing an egg hunt with all the kids would be wonderful. Maybe next year we can try to be in Ohio around the holiday and Parker's birthday.

Parker's basket will be full of fun things! Cookies and candy, Easter eggs filled with goodies and some money, (I will be getting him a piggy bank for his birthday to start keeping his money in as he gets it) a little chick that hops across the floor, sunglasses, books, a stuffed goat and bunny, a chocolate bunny (of course) coloring pages and some art supplies...and that is just what I have so far! I think that some of it will have to sit around his basket and not so much inside. He was going to get a stuffed Peter Rabbit, but showed no interest in the toy at the store, and I wasn't going to spend $20 on something he doesn't like. Maybe next year.

One of the books he is getting was one of my favorites over 20 years ago! Marshmallow by Clare Turlay Newberry was written in 1943, is the winner of the Caldecott Honor, and is still a classic! 

I talked about it in this weeks edition of Mama Bear's Book Nook if you would like to go and check it out! I could probably easily write another whole blog about it. :0)

I am looking forward to Easter more this year than I have probably any year since I decided I was too old to join the little kids on the yearly Easter Egg hunt. (My mother cried for days, and then cried the entire time I helped them hide eggs...I thought she was crazy, but now think I'll probably do the same when Parker decides he is too old for such "childish things".) Parker is just old enough that I think he will have fun helping Mommy and Daddy search for eggs, and I should get some amazing pictures if the weather cooperates. He's also old enough to enjoy some of a special Easter dinner and desserts! I think it is going to be an amazing day, and would only be better if our family and friends back home could be here too.

We have never yet had Parker's pictures professionally taken. I can think of so many better things to spend our money on! (Like our trip home this Summer!) So, while I did play with the idea of having his pictures taken with live bunnies for Easter, I decided against it and did his pictures myself again. We will be taking him to the mall to get his picture taken with the giant Easter bunny there...it will be interesting to see how that goes...

Thank you for reading!

2,000 Miles Too Far

Home usually seems very far away to me. All our friends and family in Ohio seem so far away sometimes. But, this is part of our life in the military, and the internet has made keeping in touch amazingly easy...but it's still hard. Especially when it comes down to my relationship with my family! We are all very close knit, and that has been strained the last few years since we left, most specially the relationship with my brother and sister! We have always been very close, but distance has made it harder for us to relate and share like we used to. I don't know what is going on in their lives the same way I used to, and that makes me very, very sad.

Today I got to talk to my brother and found out that he and his girlfriend of over 3 years have decided to break up. I was touched, because, like days of old, I was the first person he told. He talked to his big sister the way he used to, opening up to me more than he has in the 2 years since we left Ohio. I was touched...but so very sad. She wasn't his first girlfriend, but she was certain;y his first serious relationship. They had talked about marriage and a future...I was not a fan. I didn't think she was good for him at all, and I got to watch the hopes and dreams my brother had take a back seat to her wants and needs...but I still feel heartbroken at what I know he's going through right now. Worse, I am his sister. I should be there to take him out for a drink or hold him while he cries...but I am not. I am out here, 2,000 miles away! 

Adding to the good news of the day, my mother has some health concerns going on. She is not the most healthy person anyways, but recently she has started having some spots and splotches on her face and head that were of some concern. When tested they are pre-squamous cell cancer...Not melanoma, but it is a kind of cancer that tends to like to travel to other soft tissue in your body. She has another appointment on Monday...So I have to wait out the weekend to see what the doctors think. So, we wait, and I'm here. Could I do anything differently if I were in Ohio? No. But my mother and I have always been very, very close, and to be out here while she is going through this makes me feel so helpless. 

To make it even crappier, we are planning a trip home this Summer...but Michael tests for rank this Spring and they won't give him a date! So, we can't buy our tickets yet, and every day they get more and more expensive. Just a few weeks ago we were going to be able to fly home for just over $600, now it is just over $1000. Yes, you can buy the tickets that are refundable, but then if we had to refund them the cost would still only cover part of the tickets, since the price is still going to keep going up! I don't know what to do. We need this vacation home, but it seems like everything is stacking up against us at once.

2,000 miles is just too far today! 

I'm sending tons of prayers my families way today. Even more than usual. For my Mother's physical health and my brother's emotional health. If anyone wants to add their prayers too, you are more than welcome.

Thank you for reading.

About Our Family

The above picture seems like it was taken such a long time ago, and on the other hand it seems like it was just yesterday. In reality, it's been over a year since this was taken. Our son, Parker, was less than a month old. It's still one of my favorite family pictures, despite the fact that Parker is obviously deeply unimpressed. This picture was a long time coming in our lives.

Michael and I met when we were 16 and 19 years old. I trained him on a register at Wendys. It was the first time I had ever trained someone, and I was so nervous that I was going to mess it up. He told me I was hovering, and I remember liking his freckles. Not the most romantic story ever, but that is how we met. I plan on making up something cuter to tell our children one day.

We didn't start dating for two years. We were friends, in fact, he was my best friend, but we didn't become a couple for quite awhile. Apparently, we were the last people to see it coming too. I suppose that's often how it goes. It was January of 2002 before we made it "official", whatever that means, but I was already pretty head over heels by that point.

We were engaged before we had been together 5 months. I guess once it hit, it hit hard.

 

(Wow, we look so young!!!)

We were married in May of 2005. It was a long engagement. We were hoping I'd be done with school, but due to some scheduling conflicts with classes, I was still a semester away. It was the most beautiful day I had ever seen. I had the most handsome man waiting for me at the other end of the isle. It was small and cheaply done. My mother made my bouquet, my grandmother made my cake, we used an iPod for a DJ, and we all decorated the basement of the church together the night before...but it was the most beautiful wedding you could imagine!

We had hoped to try for children when we'd been married about a year, but I'm broken. I have a tumor on my pituitary gland. It's non-cancerous, as far as they know, but it presses against my gland and causes it to release extra prolactin into my system. In very simple terms, it tricks my body into thinking I am already pregnant and/or breastfeeding, making it very difficult or impossible to get pregnant in some cases. There are medications to help decrease the levels and the size of the tumor, but even seeing an endocrinologist is expensive, not to mention the MRIs and medication...I was teaching, Michael was bartending, and we were far from rich. With what my levels were we were told that trying would be pointless, and that even if I got pregnant my body would probably kill my baby. 

I also have a thyroid disorder, which can make pregnancy difficult anyways. Seemed like I had all the odds stacked against me.  

It was rough on us. It was rough on our marriage. Having children was something that had to go on the back burner for awhile, and it killed me. I had an amazing husband though, who got me through the roughest of times and promised me that, when the time was right, God would give us our baby. I trusted him sometimes. 

If you are interested in learning more about prolactinomas, feel free to check out Wikipedia, Med TV, the Endocrin and Metabolic Diseases website, Google Health, or any other medical web sites. Honestly, there is more to tell about them that I could write in several blogs, but it is a common issue that many women, and men, struggle with.

In 2007 Michael fulfilled a life long dream and joined the United States Air Force. He left for BMT on our 2nd wedding anniversary. I can not begin to express how proud I am of my husband! He serves our country to make it better and safer for everyone, and he provides for our family doing what he does. He was gone for 7 months of training, and it was hard. I got to go down to visit him in Texas a few times, but it was the longest we had ever been apart. It was worth it though! I support him in everything he does and am a very proud military wife.

We got stationed in Idaho...yes, there is a base out here. I didn't believe it either. The day after my 24th birthday we left Ohio and drove across the country to our new home. I can't say we're in love with it, but it is home for now. 

In the Summer of 2008 we decided to Hell with the doctors and medical science. I was on medication for my tumor that made me sick as a dog twice a week, and we still couldn't get the OK to start trying. "It wasn't the right time" or "Just a little longer" or "Maybe next year.". It was again starting to bring me down and down far, and finally one night Michael just said to Hell with it, we would try and leave it in God's hands and let Him, not some doctor, decide when the time was right.

Apparently, God was just waiting for us to hand over the reins. After years of negative pregnancy tests, tears, worries that it would never happen, we got pregnant! Our little surprise Bunny Boo (because we decided not to find out the sex until the baby was born) was due in April 2009! I was scared that my damn body would reject my little miracle, but Michael had no worry, and in the end he was right. On April, 13, 2009, one day short of my due date, our first child was born.

 

We named our son Michael Parker-Maxwin. We had always known that our first boy would be Michael Parker. It had been something we talked about on our 3rd or 4th date I think. Michael after his Daddy and Parker because it was a name we both liked, but when our son was born, Michael said he looked like his grandfather, Max Edwin, who had passed away the Spring before. So, after three days in the hospital trying to decide, we added Maxwin to our baby boy's name. I love it, and love that it is unique without being weird.

And so our duo became a trio shortly before our 4th wedding anniversary. It made our family so much better. It was wonderful and whole before, but Parker made it more so.

And that is our family. Well, us, two cats and a dog...our other children...Shamrock, Tessa and Jake. 

We just went through our first deployment. It was so hard. So very hard. But I think it too has made us stronger. I know nothing can get to us now, not if we can survive that.

Now that I have written a short novel, I'll be off. I think you know all you need to know, and probably more than you wanted about our little family.

As always, Thank You For Reading.