Homecomings

Well, here we are again. The end of another deployment. This has been the hardest of our three, hands down. I've been ready for it to be over since before it started, and I am thrilled that it is finally time for me to be writing this! I am not entirely sure why this one was harder. Everyone keeps saying that it is because I have two little ones now, but I am 100% sure that isn't it. The boys kept me sane this deployment. I think part of it was having two so very close together! Two deployments in an 18 month period is no joke. Part of it was also probably knowing that I could have very easily been home, but stayed because I was too worried about what people would say. My mistake. Won't make that again, you can be sure. 

I'm not going to dwell on it though. Because it is over and my baby is coming home!!!

On the outside looking in, homecomings would seem like they are nothing but joyous occasions. Please don't get me wrong, they are. Absolutely. But I have talked to enough wives to know that I am not alone in having a certain amount of anxiety at the thought of the approaching reunion. I never would have believed it before experiencing it myself. After all, military homecomings are the things of an amazing TV special. Banners and cheering and relief and tears...and they really are all those things too! More emotion than I can sum up in simple words. I swear to you, I can actually feel my heart swell with pride when I watch that plane coming in for its landing. It starts beating a patriotic beat as I watch the plane taxi around and finally come to a stop, so close yet still so far away. It takes much longer than it ever should between the time that plane stops and the time the doors open, but in that time my heartbeat never comes back down to a normal patter and it reaches an unbelievable level of joy that erupts when the doors open and men and women in uniform start filing out to reunite with their loved ones. It doesn't seem possible that a person could actually live through those levels of excitement and suspense, but you somehow do, and then join everyone else as they search for their special people in that sea of smiling faces and excitement so thick you can actually taste it!

Sometimes you find them quite quickly, and sometimes it takes a little longer, but eventually your eyes will meet through a forest of camo and welcome home signs. And, for me at least, that is when the shyness kicks in. Yes, I have known him for years, more than I wish to share here, because it makes me feel old, but we have also both grown and changed over the many months he was gone. At the core, we are those people who said goodbye many moons ago, but some things have changed, and getting to know those parts of my husband are what makes me shy.

Still, there is something electric about your eyes meeting for the first time. They hold yours for a fleeting moment (though so much passes between you in that moment that it would take several blogs, and probably books, to express it) before they look away, searching for the little beings they missed most in all that time they were away. What, you thought it was you they most wanted to see? No. They missed you, they want to hold you again, but there is an even more pressing issue on their minds. A body they long to hold more than even yours...and it's OK, because you would feel the same way if you had missed out on half of your child's life too.

If they have any fears about homecomings, it is for these moments. A fear that is deep and dark and shared by so many of our men and women in uniform when they arrive stateside once more...What if their children don't know them? What if they are scared? What if they don't want anything to do with them? So, they approach with caution, even though you can see the excitement and joy radiating off their faces as they take in every part of the children they left behind. They crouch down, sometimes several feet away, waiting to be approached by cautious little ones, even though you can see their longing to scoop up that little body and shower it with all the kisses they couldn't give in those months away. They talk and smile encouragement, sometimes with offerings of stuffed animals or toys picked up at some airport gift shop for way too much money, until their child comes up to them again and reaches out, and then the most amazing moment of homecomings gets to happen. Nothing, nothing at all can describe the reunion of child and parent. It is cautious and sweet and pure and filled with more joy than most moments can hold on their own. They fit into their parents arms, in that special spot meant just for them, and you can literally see months of tension, fear, stress, and war melt away into the sky as their parent folds around them in a perfect fit, often burying their face in their hair or neck to hide tears or to breath them in or both. It is pure beauty.

And then, finally, it is the spouses turn. And, as shy as I am, as strange as it is to feel those arms around me again, it is also safe and familiar and perfect. I can always smell a mixture of strange lands that I will never see, and the scent that is 100% unique to him. I love that. Is it odd to feel grown up arms again? To hold onto someone taller and stronger than me? Yes. Do I know that we have some adjustment ahead of us as we all redefine our rolls as a family? Of course...but for a moment none of that matters at all. Because he is home. 

Happy occasions? Joyous occasions? Oh, homecomings are so much more than that. But they are also hard and, for me, bittersweet.

It is hard to know that while I hold onto my husband, preparing myself for the next several weeks of getting to know one another under the same roof again, as hard as that might be sometimes, there is another husband or wife out there somewhere who would give everything they own for that chance. That there is an urn on their mantle or a folded flag in their holiday pictures where Daddy or Mommy should be. It's hard to accept that those men and women made that sacrifice for all of us back here in the States. Many of them made that sacrifice so that their brothers and sisters in uniform could go home in their stead. I don't know how to say thank you for something like that. And it is impossible to comprehend that my own husband might be asked to make that sacrifice one day. If any of us thought like that on a regular basis, I don't think we could get by.

This time, however, he is home safe. This time, God returned him to me whole. So I concentrate on that, and add it to the list of things I whisper my thanks for as I hold him that first time after he gets off the plane. He is home, and we are a family again.  

Thank you, Lord. Thank you for giving me the strength to get through this once again. Thank you for giving my my sons, without whom I could never get through a day. Thank you for delivering him home to my arms again. Keep us together, safe, and whole for as long as you can, please Lord. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Amen. 

Another Overdue Update

I have decided that I really need to start setting myself set blogging days. I always have so much to say, but I never end up getting it done, and then I end up having to write these obnoxious update blogs that make me feel like a slacker. *sigh*

I guess to start out, I am still doing projects every week. However, shortly after writing my last post, my laptop decided to die. I am currently being forced to do everything on Michael's old laptop, which has neither my pictures or picture programs on it, so you won't see a post with details and pictures on any of my projects until he gets home. Sorry about that. I am just not tech savvy enough to fix my own laptop, and he hasn't been able to talk me through it over the phone.

Speaking of homecomings, I am starting to get really worried. This is nothing new for me, but it is still hard every time. Homecomings look like a very easy, beautiful thing on TV...and they are beautiful, but they are also nerve wracking, stressful, and hard. Not for everyone, I'm sure, and not impossibly so, but they are an adjustment. I, being a creature of habit and not nearly as "go with the flow" as I try to pretend I am, have a hard time with the huge shift of my every day life. Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled to have my husband home. It is change, though, and takes some time for me to get used to.

Sebastian's birthday has come and gone. I have pictures, which I will share when I can. We had a good time. We had a special dinner and cupcakes with some friends of ours, and then we did the smash cake (an owl) and some presents over Skype with Daddy. The plan is to have an actual birthday party after Daddy gets home in the Fall. Sebastian won't know the difference, and I know that it will mean a lot for Daddy to be there. 

I can't believe my baby is one. It seems like the year went by so quickly. I miss having a new baby to snuggle and love on (Baby Fever, here we come!), but I love watching him develop and grow. I felt the same way with Parker, but I think it is worse this time. Maybe because I know how fast it is going to go by now. How soon I will have a chattering, smart, inquisitive three year old in front of me. It's scary how fast it has happened with Parker, and it feels like it has gone by so much faster with Sebastian. Maybe because I have two now? I wonder if that means any more we have will happen in a blink. Probably. That makes me sad too.

Yes, we want more children. Yes, we will probably start discussing that soon. No, I don't want your opinion on the issue. If I want to have as many children as the Duggers and I am the one raising and taking care of them, it really isn't anyone's business. Thanks. (For the people who think they have the right to tell me what to do with my uterus.)

I will write more soon. Like I said, I plan on making myself blog on certain days. Goodness knows I need it.

Deep Thoughts

OK, maybe not so deep, but my blog was in desperate need of an update. Not just a post with some new craft I've done or some three line update...a real update. So, here it goes...

First off, I promise I'm still doing my Pin A Week, I just haven't had the time to edit and post my pictures the last several weeks. So, the next time I do post, there will probably be three or four little projects in one post. Yippy!

Also, despite the fact that I only posted 6 weeks of updates, I did continue on with and finish the whole P90X program! There wasn't a whole lot new to post every week except that I kept on keeping on, and I had family visiting for several weeks this Summer, which made my time to blog about working out less. However, I finished the entire 90 days, and I am very proud of myself for that. First, the positive. I could feel myself getting stronger. There were things I could do at the end of the 90 days that I never thought I would do when I started. I was so happy to see those kinds of changes in myself. On the negative side, I only lost about 6lbs the whole 90 days. Really? REALLY? I could lose more just not eating for a week. (I know, I know, not a healthy way to do it, but seriously?) I would by lying if I didn't say that I was heartbroken. I wanted so very much for hubby to come home from this deployment and be shocked at this drastic change in my appearance. Instead, I just felt like I let us both down. Like there was something I could have done more or harder or...who knows. I just feel terrible. 

However, I took a break for a couple of weeks, and I am now two weeks into P90X: Round Two. I know that I have issues most other people don't fighting my weight loss, and even if I'm not losing weight, I can feel the difference in myself. That has to count for something. (I am also hoping that once I am back on my medication for my tumor that the weight will start coming off a little faster. It should balance my hormones out a bit.)

Which brings me to this deployment. I have often said I should write more during deployments. After all, it is probably one of the times in my life I most need an outlet, and that is one of the reasons I started this blog, right? I don't mind sharing that one of the reasons I haven't posted more about this deployment is that I am not very proud how I have been handling it. I've been a complete and total wimp about it, to be honest, and I certainly don't want to create post after post with me bitching. Maybe that is what I need, who knows, but I do know that this deployment is by far the hardest for me so far.

Everyone I have tried to talk to about it attributes the difficulties this time around to the fact that I have two little ones now instead of one. I have tried to explain that this isn't it. If anything, having my two little men is keeping me functional this time around. I have to get out of bed. I have to put on a happy face. I have to keep functioning, because it's not just about me right now. Things have to stay as normal as they can for those little boys. Because, even if people sneer and make comments like "You chose this life, why are you whining now?", my son's didn't choose this. It is a life we chose for them, and they have to have everything I can give them to help them get through this. I have nothing but adoration for how Parker handles it too. He is so proud of his Daddy, telling anyone he can that his Daddy is a "good guy" and helps "keep me safe". My three year old is my hero, because he gives his Daddy freely without begrudging the sacrifice at all, knowing that sometimes there are people who need Daddy a little more than he does. 

Not me. I am angry about this deployment. I am bitter about this deployment. I am miserable about this deployment. It wasn't his turn, damn it! And I can't seem to get over that. We've experienced three deployments in under three years, and the other two I have actually been a little proud of myself. I miss him, and I am sad, but I find a routine. I find a place for everything, including that sadness, and once I get into the swing of things I can go days, weeks even, without shedding a tear. I still miss him, but it doesn't eat away at my insides and cause almost daily little breakdowns either. Hell, I gave birth last time with him 8,000 miles away on a phone, and that was still easier than this deployment has been. 

I think part of it was how unexpected this one was. It wasn't his rotation, so there was no prior expectation of him going. Yes, they can go at any time when needed (obviously), but there were more than enough people in his shop who were up to go. People who have never been before. People who should have been shipping out instead of him. And then one thing after another happened, all of them against our favor, and the next thing I know I am kissing him goodbye again just six months after joyfully kissing him hello and handing him his month old son for the first time. I feel like I'd been hit by a truck. Completely blindsided. 

I had made the decision not to go home this deployment. I wish I could say I didn't know why, but I do. I was worried what people would say about me if I left. I was worried they would say "Oh, she can't hack it." or "She needs to get used to this deployment thing." or a number of other nasty, gossip-like comments that military wives like to throw around because they have nothing better to do than sit and judge people. Why did I care, you ask? Good question. After all, I've done a deployment alone here in Idaho, so I've already earned that "badge of honor". I've also done a deployment back home, and the benefits were not mine alone. It was so wonderful getting to watch Parker as he got to know his family. Really know them, and not just from pictures and stories I told him. This time though...I could try to say it would have been the stress of taking three animals and two children cross country, I could try to say that it was because I don't know who would have watched the house and taken care of the lawn while I was gone, I could try to say a lot of things, and all of them would be true. In the end, though, I am ashamed to say I was too worried about what people would think and what people would say, and because of it I robbed my sons and my family of the chance for another amazing Summer together. Most of these people I don't even like, so why the Hell did I let them make a major life decision like this for me? Because I am an idiot. My grandfather was in the hospital this Summer, and I was here instead of there because I was so worried what people would think of me. Stupid, stupid Holly. 

I have learned something though. I will never make this mistake again. Next deployment, I am going home. These are times I can't give back to anyone, but I won't make the same mistake again. 

All that being said, this deployment hasn't been all bad. I have made some friends, people I knew before, but now we are really friends, and that is great. Friends are not something that fall in my lap easily, so the few friendships I do have are rare and special. My mother and sister got to come out and visit for five whole weeks, and that was fun too. And of course, there are the boys. Always my boys. Always keeping me headed in the right direction.

Well, maybe these thoughts did end up deeper than I had thought they would. I will be back. I will write more, I promise. I obviously need it.

Kisses From Daddy: Deployment Countdown

Deployments suck. There is no way around it. They really suck when it is the third in just over two and a half years. They really, really suck when you have a just turned three year old who has only had Daddy back for 6 months before saying goodbye again. It's hard to help him understand the concept of Daddy coming home...but not for many months.  After all, how hard is it to wrap your mind around months at an age where hours seems like an eternity?

I felt like it was very important that we come up with some way to help Parker count down to Daddy coming home to us again. He really needed something for him to look at that he could actually see changing and bringing us closer to the homecoming we are all so anxiously waiting for. 

Enter the Daddy Kisses jar.

A Pin A Week Until Daddy Comes Home

Well, we're doing it again. Another one of those deployment things. I'm thrilled. *enter sarcasm here* I would be lying if I didn't admit it would be tempting just to go home again. The quality time that the boys could spend with family...I thought about it. And decided against it. It's not the best thing for myself or the boys. I like us having our own home. Our own spit. Even if it is a million miles away from where we all want to be. I'd hate to give up our little house here. Even if I don't like where it is, I like our home. 

The key to getting through any deployment is to keep busy. And I'm going to do this by making this little house more of a home. Putting up some more pictures, decorations, maybe getting a rug or two...I've I've decided to start my own little challenge. Figured I would post it on here in case someone wanted to join along. Could be fun. :0)

Way Too Long

Well, here I am again. And it has been way too long, but there has been a lot going on outside of cyberland. First, just a few days after my last post, I ended up in the hospital for a week. My pancreas was broken. :0) Turns out my gallbladder was left to stew for far too long, (thanks Mountain Home) and just put a lot of stress on my pancreas. Hopefully it won't become a chronic issue, but I can tell you that I have some kind of pain, even if it is just slight, almost every time I eat. 

It was a tough recovery. Michael had to take emergency leave...a big mess. But it passed. The bad things always do.

And then, of course, there is just every day life with two boys. (three if you count my husband, which I do) They keep me hopping, but in a good way. Parker has been potty trained in the daytime for almost a year now, but I had been scared to make the jump into nap and bedtime. 14 extra loads of laundry a week did not appeal to me. 

However, I apparently need to have more faith in my son. Michael let him take a nap one day in big boy underwear and the rest is history. He's been 100% diaper free for over a month now, and I am so proud of him. I need to stop underestimating him it seems. 

Oh, and we are preparing for yet another deployment. Yay. (Can yo feel the sarcasm dripping from that statement?) It's not right, or fair, or even in his deployment cycle, but we do what we do because there isn't another choice. Michael and I aren't happy, and Parker has begged Michael not to leave, but he also knows that Daddy has to go and "take care oft he bad guys". We are proud of him, just sad about what he will miss out on. We're hoping to take a small vacation before he goes, but we have no idea if he'll be able to get the leave. We're crossing our fingers. Not that it usually does much good. Ah well. One can always dream.

I also started another blog called Letters To My Sons. It is exactly what it sounds like. A place for me to write letters to my boys that, hopefully, they will be able to look back at one day and smile at if nothing else. 

I know I have said this before, but I really will be on more. At least, I'll try. :0)

 

Pregnancy Brain?

Yes, let's blame it on that. Apparently pregnancy has taken over my brain and started to live my life for me. I went through all day today thinking it was Wednesday and trying to figure out what pictures I should use for my wordless Wednesday post, only to realize around 8pm that it was in fact Thursday and I had completely missed Wednesday this week.

And yesterday I completely snapped the head off another mother because I thought she was going to come over to defend her kid (who was messing with Parker at the pool) when in fact she was one of teh few months who was actually coming over to step in and parent. (I did beg forgiveness, but I am not one to go psycho pregnant b!tch on a person like that either. Very odd.)

Anniversary & Ultrasounds

Today was my husband and my six year wedding anniversary...and I'm not going to lie, it really stunk. I know it's not the "strong" thing to admit, but it was really horrible having him so far away for our anniversary. I also, unlike many of my military wife counterparts, don't mind admitting that I am scared to death for him on a regular basis, and I would be lying if I didn't say that I thought to myself at least once today 'What if I never see him again?'. 

That being said, it didn't ruin my day. I didn't dwell on it. It's a part of the lifestyle and you get through the hard days and move on, but it really did stink. It's not our first anniversary spent apart, nor will it probably be our last, but knowing that doesn't make it a whole lot easier sometimes. Still, I remind myself that, for now, he is OK. He will be home soon, and this is just one day of many that we have to get through. And will. So many other people have it so much worse, especially on a weekend like this one. It's hard to feel sorry for yourself when you know there are women out there celebrating Memorial Day at services to honor their fallen husbands.

Besides, today was also the day of our make-up 3D/4D ultrasound!

Wiggle Wiggle Wiggle

I love being pregnant! Yes, I am sick as a dog with no end in site. I have heartburn whenever I eat anything yummy, and sometimes I feel like a whale...but I still love being pregnant. For all the bad (and every pregnancy has various stages of bad) there are things that are just so good that they make up for anything I have to go through to experience them!

Flashback Friday

First off, I would like to say I am 100% unhappy with the look of my blog. I want something that screams me and mine. I really love blogging, and writing in general, and the fact that my blog doesn't reflect me is bringing me down more than it should. (It could be pregnancy hormones too. Who knows?) I am hoping to re-vamp it, or have it re-vamped, very soon. But for now, please don't judge me based on my horribly generic and cluttered blog.  Secondly, I am so happy to be back and doing Flashback Friday again! I've missed it! It's so much fun to read other people's flashbacks and to share my own. It gives me a chance to go back in time and remember things I might have forgotten. This week I had no idea where to flash back to. There is so much going on in our lives right now, so much that I am finding completely overwhelming, that I was having a very hard time focusing on some of the old happy. So I went to my albums and started searching at random hoping to find something hat would catch my interest. I found something that made me cry, so I suppose that fits the bill. It certainly seems appropriate given some of the main points of stress we are experiencing as a family right now.

Flashback Friday: Fall

Buckle in prepare for a ride. Don't worry, we won't be going too far. This entire month I plan to flashback only to last year at this time. Last Fall was Bubba's first, and as Daddy was away protecting our country, I was talking roughly 500-600 pictures a week so that he didn't feel he was missing anything. 

It's Been Too Long...

Busy, busy, busy. That pretty much sums up my life lately. I guess the most important thing that has happened would be that Daddy is home! After far too long, we are a united family once again!!! Adjusting to his homecoming was interesting, and I was scared out of my mind before he arrived. Don't get me wrong, I had missed him oh so much, but Our lives were about to change severely. When Michael left Parker was a helpless little baby. Our routine was completely different. Not only was Parker a different, more independent little person, but so was I. What if Michael didn't like the wife he was coming home to? What if he was different too?

Needless to say, I didn't have to worry as much as I had been. Things were different, and not just the three of us. Parker and I had to adjust to having another person in our home and our lives and our routine. Michael had to adjust to being with his family and not just the guys he had been deployed with. There were bumps in the road...like Parker not wanting this strange man come to life from his picture book to be touching his Mommy. Or me stressing that Michael wouldn't like how I did things, and so getting defensive before the issue ever even came up...but he's been home just over a month now and overall it is going great! Daddy and Parker are BFFs and you would think he had never been gone!!!

We has Parker's Second First Christmas! It was wonderful...and exhausting! Parker and I managed to scrimp and save enough while Michael was deployed to buy him a Play Station 3 and a game for his Christmas from us! Parker got a ton of stuff...I went a little overboard I think. But he now has a ton of toys to keep him occupied, though he would rather play with the remote control and telephone I think.

Parker is almost 10 and a half months now! I can not believe that in a month and a half our baby boy will be a year old! This year, even with the deployment, has gone by so quickly! It seems like I was pregnant just yesterday, and now I have this beautiful little boy who is so close to taking his first steps that I have the camera practically glued to my hands in hopes of getting those first steps (or close to) on video to share with our family back home.

I am busy planning Parker's birthday parties. Yes, you read that right. He will be having multiple parties. He will be having a small cake and gifts on his actual birthday, which falls on a Tuesday, with Mommy and Daddy and possibly some of our close friends. The Saturday after his birthday will be his Idaho Party, which I am hoping will be a big event. After all, I only have my first child's first birthday party once. Then he will be getting a party with family, many of whom he has never met, when we go home to Ohio this Summer! So lots of fun, but lots of planning too! I am one busy Mama!

Yes, we are going HOME,  finally, at some point this Summer. We wanted to go in the Spring, but Michael will be testing for rank sometime this Spring. Since we don't know the date yet, it is hard to try and plan a trip, so we are probably just going to push it back to June. We are going to get to meet our youngest niece and all our family that has ye to meet Parker is going to get the chance! It will be a a big deal, though I am a little nervous! We're going to fly. *gulp*

I am trying to keep up with this blog better. I am going to spend the next couple days updating and personalizing this page. I have also started a new blog called Mama Bear's Book Nook where I share and discuss children's literature and my (and Parker's) opinions on the books in his already extensive library. If you're interested, please feel free to check it out.

As always, thanks for reading!

First First Christmas

Another Christmas come and gone, and it occurred to me as I watched people carry returns into Wal-Mart on Saturday that the reason for the season really has been lost on many. (I was there for some baby food and gloves...not to return anything. Of course, it would be kind of hard to return nothing...)

We are waiting to have Christmas until Hubby/Daddy is home from his deployment. After all, Christmas is just a day on the calendar. As Christians, we are supposed to celebrate Jesus every day...I am assuming that He won't mind if we celebrate his birthday on a day that differs from the general population. In fact, Jesus probably understands our motivation better than we do. After all, who better to know the pain we feel by being separated as a family than Him. He is supposed to know us better than anyone.

Of course, because it was Parker's first Christmas, I didn't feel that we could skip in entirely. After all, he only gets one first Christmas Day, and I only get one first Christmas as a Mommy. It was my first year to play Santa! So, our lucky son will get TWO First Christmases...How many children can claim that? What a lucky boy.

First First Christmas we celebrated on December 25th with the rest of the world. Not only was Daddy gone, but both of our families are back in Ohio, leaving Parker and I to celebrate alone. As depressing as it sounds, it was more enjoyable than I had dared to hope it could have been. I underestimated my son's ability to cheer up his Mommy. The lucky little boy got 2 presents on Christmas Eve, a pair of First Christmas PJs and a board book copy of The Night Before Christmas. He loves being read to, and curled up with me happily to listen. We then curled up together to watch How The Grinch Stole Christmas...which Mommy can recite almost perfectly. I apparently don't impress though, since Parker fell off to sleep about half way through. I nestled him all snug in his bed, though I have no idea if he dreamed of sugar plums. Probably not. It is much more likely that he had visions of puppies and balls dancing in his head than sugar plums.

Then I got to play Santa! Grandpa and Hootie and Great-Grandmama and Great-Grandpapa sent some gifts for our first, smaller Christmas, and Parker got to open one gift from Mommy and Daddy. (All the others are wrapped and put up for Second First Christmas) I wonder if Santa has some kind of magic that makes the milk cold again when he is done with all those presents...or maybe he eats them first. It didn't seem right to do it like that though...seemed like Santa should do the work before enjoying dessert. Still...my milk was warm by the time I got to it. I poured new milk, wondering if Santa does that too, and thinking how that just doesn't seem right. Any other night of the year if a magical fat man broke into your house and started raiding your fridge you'd be furious...so is it OK on Christmas Eve? And if so, WHY is it OK on Christmas Eve and no other night of the year?

I had treated myself to some new fuzzy socks for Christmas, so I put them on along with my Christmas PJs and watched television until I was tired enough to think I could go to bed without dwelling too much on the fact that I would be experiencing our first Christmas morning as a "family" with my husband half way around the world. It worked for the most part, and I fell asleep looking forward to the next day.

Parker was perfectly content to eat breakfast before presents...something I don't anticipate happening ever again. He was politely interested in the pile of brightly wrapped boxes that had appeared overnight under the tree, and he crawled over to investigate, stopping once or twice to glance at the singing Whos on TV. (We had the Grinch on again) Unwrapping took awhile. He wanted to eat the paper, then he would realize that there was a toy in there and would want to play with it...But it was so much fun getting to watch him figure out the present thing! What a perfect age for his first Christmas! AND, Daddy got to watch some of it on Web-Cam! So, even half way around the world, we were "together" for Parker's First Christmas.

We are blessed in out friends. Parker and I did not have to spend the entire day just the two of us. We were invited to go and spend the day with our friend Ivy and his family. They even had gifts for us! I would not have got through this holiday season without Ivy. We've been with him for both Thanksgiving and Christmas, and it has helped to make this time easier on both myself and Parker. Parker enjoys playing with his little boy, Trenton, and I get to have some adult conversation and not dwell on how very much I miss the other half of my soul. I hope that Parker and I have in some way managed to return the friendship and given them some of the joy they have given us.

And so, First First Christmas has come and gone, and I survived...which is more than I had thought I could do. I missed my husband so much, but I was still blessed in that I was experiencing my son's first Christmas! It is a day I can never have back, and I loved it! So many milestones happen so quickly when they are so small...and every single one is a blessing to my heart. Not long now until Michael should be home, and then we'll have Second First Christmas...and so much more!

I hope you all had a beautiful holiday and were as blessed in yours as I was in mine.

Thanks for reading.