All Give Some, Some Give All

 

Memorial day. A day we don't have to work. A day to bar-b-q, drink, splash in the pool. A day to hang out with family and friends. Memorial day is seen by most as the official kick off to Summer. The first big hurrah of the season. Sometimes there's even fireworks.

A Little New

So, I'm doing a couple of small changes to the blog this weekend. First off, I have a new siggy. (Part of the reason I am typing this is to check it out.) Second, I will be re-vamping the blogs header. 

I also have added Picture of the Week and Quote of the Week boxes in the left and right columns. It is an idea I got from my cousin, so thank you Alexandra! I think it's a really neat addition to any blog!

Follow Us

I love writing, both for my own pleasure and for other people to read. Whenever I add to my blog, I try to post it up on Facebook so that my friends and family know that I've been plugging away at some new thought or opinion, but sometimes I forget to share that I've added a new blog.

If you would like to avoid missing any of my blogs, please feel free to follow my blog. It's fast and easy and free! All you need is a (again, free) Google Account!

If you already have a Google Account, this is going to be even simpler. Just go to the Follow Me box in the left blog column and click on the Follow button. It will ask you if you want to follow publicly or privately, but either way you will get regular updates whenever I blog on your blogger dashboard.

If you don't have a Google Account, it takes only minutes, and is free. Did I mention that? Simply go here and sign up! Once you have your Google Account set up, go to the Follow Me box in the left blog column and click on the Follow button!!! Easy as pie! (I've never understood exactly what that means, but it sounds yummy!) 

This way not only will you never miss a blog update, but I don't have to keep spamming my blogs over Facebook and e-mail! 

Also, if you know anyone who might want to follow us, please send them our way! The more the merrier!

God Bless and thank you for reading!

 

Cloth Diapering: Day One

I'm trying not to get frustrated...really I am. I understand that these things will take time to get used to, but if any of you out there have some advice I am more than open to it.

I should point out that we have always disposable diapered Parker. We have talked about cloth diapering our next baby, but after an incident that happened with Parker this week we thought we might start cloth diapering him part time. We are still planning on using disposables for bed time and long trips up to Boise, but want to start using cloth during the day.

Today wasn't a complete failure. I can see how, in theory, this could be a good thing for us.

But...

...To start off with we didn't want to buy super expensive diapers, just in case. So we have some pre-fold cloth diapers by Gerber. For some reason, even though I am following the directions, I can't seem to make them fit correctly. I am sure that there is just something simple I'm missing, but it's very frustrating, and not made any easier by my wiggily, squiggily, baby! This is compounded by the fear I have of sticking him when I put the pins in to secure the diapers. (I know they have safe, plastic clips instead of the poky diaper pins, but they didn't have any where we went to get diapers. I'd have to go up to Boise and see if I can find any there.) Being so afraid of sticking him, and his constant wiggles during a diaper change doesn't result in the best fit, even if I was confident that I am doing it correctly.

Of course, 5 minutes after I got the first one on him today, he pooped...and it went everywhere. Luckily, I had the little plastic diaper covers on, but still. I changed him as quickly as possible, and threw the soiled diaper in the wash. I set a load to soak, since I was sure that I'd have more diapers before the day was through. 

I was right. In fact, I think that my son pees more than any other child on the planet. Every 15 minutes or so, he potties. At that rate, I'm changing him every 30-45 minutes to keep him from leaking, even with the diaper covers. (Which is another story all together. I hate the stupid plastic covers. I know they have cute covers with designs and different materials, but I didn't want to spend a bunch of money up front if we end up not going with this cloth diaper thing.)

I just don't know. I'm at a bit of a loss. This is something I'm very interested in for both Parker and any future children we have, but we aren't off to a very good start. I don't have anyone around here I can ask about it, and all the stuff I've looked at online is so expensive. I understand that it's cheaper in the long run, but I don't want to spend a bunch if it ends up not working out. Isn't there some cheap way to do some kind of trial period? Is there something better than the pre-fold diapers? Where is a good place to get them? What are some good covers? Like I said before, any advice is welcome. In fact, I'd love it!!!

On another note, tomorrow is Michael and my 5th wedding anniversary! It's also Michael's 3rd anniversary of joining the Air Force. (He left for BMT on our 2nd anniversary. What a gift!) I love him so much and am so blessed to have him in my life! 

God bless and thank you for reading! 

 

You Can't Go Home Again

 

I used to think there was no truth to that statement. After all, didn't I do just that three weeks ago today when I hopped on a plane and flew back to Ohio? Well, yes and no. 

Going home was amazing! While the flight scared the jeebers out of me, watching the land below change from brown and barren to green and lush was so exciting. (Though it did take me awhile to realize that the fuzzy black patterns below were trees...It has clearly been way too long!) Driving away from the airport and seeing Ohio for the first time in two and a half years left me in awe! There were trees and hills and so many people!!! As we drove to dinner with my family I saw more people and cars in about 20 minutes than I've seen in almost three years in Idaho! We were on an 8 lane highway!!! It was a little frightening, and I had a certain moment of kin ship with the scared little Country Mouse his first time in the City. I realized then that I have been slightly institutionalized by our remote location and the feeling of security you get by living in what is essentially a highly guarded gated community. With jets. (Which I missed the sound of immensely while we were gone!) 

So much was the same! Part of me felt like we had never left. Every way I turned my head there was something else as familiar to me as my own house. The flower shop on the corner that has been there since before I could remember, the park where they do the fireworks display every year, the street my high school is on...I could close my eyes and almost feel like I'd never been gone. Never been in Idaho for two and a half years. Idaho quickly began to feel like some kind of warped dream. 

Best of all was my grandparent's home, which is very much the house that built me. It looked the same, it felt the same, it even smelled the same! For the first time in such a long time I got to hug my Grandmama! Before moving to Idaho, I had never gone much more than a month without seeing my grandparents in all of my life. Now they were meeting their Great-Grandson for the first time and he was a year old already. Not that they haven't seen pictures, (I've been told I don't take enough) but now they actually had the opportunity to touch him and hold him and see what an amazing little person he is for themselves.

We got to hear the sound of birdsong in the morning as hundreds of the little feathered creatures sang their homage to the rising sun. We got to listen as the wind blew through the trees. We hear plenty on wind in Idaho, but not the sounds as it sways through the branched and leaves...and the lack of trees in Idaho also leads to a lack of birds and thus morning choirs.

Then there were our friends and family! I can't begin to describe what it was like to see everyone again. While my mother, father, brother and sister had been out to Idaho a couple of times, no one else had been able to visit us in the time we had been gone. We hadn't seen our oldest niece since she was one and had never even met our youngest niece. Parker had to meet his Godparents (my cousin, Alexandra and our best friend, Chris.) and his great-grandparents...and it was wonderful for us to see them again too of course...it was overwhelming and amazing and busy. You never realize how much you are going to miss a place or its people until the chance to see them is gone. In many cases it was as though no time had passed at all. We eased back into our friendships and relationships as though we'd been gone for a long weekend instead of long years. 

It was like we had never left.

Except that we had.

For all that was the same, there was just as much that was different. There were buildings and stores and places that we knew and frequented that were long gone. A walk through the Dayton Mall broke our hearts. It's turned into a ghost town to the point where tumbleweeds bouncing down the walkway wouldn't have surprised me at all. When we went back to my old school I was shocked to see the younger brothers and sisters of children I had taught were one and two classrooms above mine. Not that I didn't know that the children were growing, but seeing it with my own two eyes was a shock! Both of my parents are living somewhere new, which is a beautiful home, but it's still different than it was when we left...

Hardest of all was the changes in the people. As I said, with some of our people it was as easy to find our place with them as flipping open a familiar book. With others the passing in time was far too obvious. There is still friendship there, still emotions, but people change. No matter how much I would like it, time doesn't freeze when we leave a place, and people living their lives changes them, sometimes in different directions. I understand this. Michael and I have certainly changed. After all, we have a son now. That's changed us. For the better, but it's still a change. When you're coming back into a group of people who don't even have spouses, much less children, with a little toddling child at your side, things are bound to be different. There was a certain discomfort and uncertainty that I am not used to with my people, and it made me sadder than I can begin to express.

People have gotten older. My parents and Grandparents have all aged, which comes as a shock though I know it shouldn't. I think all of us to some extent believe that the important "grown ups" in our life will always be as we see them. Immortal. There are more gray hairs now. More little things that the unfamiliar eye will notice while someone who sees it every day would probably overlook. One of my dearest friends from high school is losing his father, a man who had always been so joking and youthful...

...Days pass, weeks pass, months pass, and years pass. They pass by quicker every year, and with their passing comes change. It can't be stopped, it can't be reasoned with, and it's not all bad. Some of it is very, very good...and it is still hard to see it happening and know that you can't go back to the way things were, even for a little while. I wouldn't change my life for anything, even as far as we must be from the people and places we love for now...but the distance makes true the statement that "you can't go home again". Yes, you can hop on a plane and go back to the places that remain. You can see the people, laugh about the old times and make new memories...but there will always be differences. Every day brings a new change, and all those changes add up. There were many good times during our trip to Ohio, but it brought about many realizations as well. 

We will go home again as soon as we can, hopefully sooner than later. I look forward to it, but I know now that it won't be the same ever again, not really. And that's OK, even if it is a little sad.

God bless and thank you for reading.

 

One Fear Conquered, One Fear Realized

Well, here I am. Obviously I survived the flights home, though how I did that I am not entirely sure.  We had some crazy turbulence, and I spent a lot of time praying, eyes shut tight, hands gripping the seats so hard my fingers hurt. Luckily, I couldn't completely loose myself in that fear, because I had Parker there, who was unsettled when I was unsettled. There was much nervous laughter on my part, but we all survived.

And, I conquered a fear! If you remember, in a recent blog about my plane fears, I shared that I don't move once I am on the plane for fear that my movement will unbalance the plane and send us all crashing towards the Earth. Because of this, I haven't used the rest room in a plane since I was a very little girl and far too young to understand the dangers of air travel. It appears that God decided to test that theory while on the smallest plane flying out of Dayton yesterday. (Which still wasn't as small as the prop plane I took to Witchita Falls several years ago. It didn't even have a bathroom.) After several orange juices, I found myself in desperate need of some relief, and some courage. It was almost a 3 hour flight, and we weren't even half way through yet, so the choices were limited to either standing up and walking to the back of the plane to brave the potty or wetting myself without a change of clothes on hand.

I seriously considered the second option for several minutes.

Imagine my shock when I found myself unbuckling my seat belt and standing in the foot wide aisle, making my teetering way back towards the 15 inch wide door at the back of the plane! Now, call my crazy if you wish, but I can feel the vast amount of space that is underneath me when I am on a plane, and it has always been a very strange feeling. It is worse when you're walking over it, aware that the only thing between you and that immense amount of empty space is a small cargo bay with some scattered luggage.

Once through the door I found myself in the smallest, noisiest, most frightening bathroom I had ever imagined. Every second I was sitting there I was convinced that the bolts holding the toilet seat in were going to looses, allowing the toilet, it's contents, and myself to fall through the air to the Earth below...fear does not have to be rational...but somehow I survived! It was a proud woman who made her way back to her seat (I smacked a guy in the head with my boobs as I was coming out of the bathroom...there was really such little room and they are so very large...) and buckled herself back in!

I also have proof that God has a sense of humor...and all this happened in one day! 

I have often said, not entirely joking, that the only way planes could be worse for me is if the crew consisted of giant spiders. No, the crew of my plane was not made up if over sized arachnids, but there was too much irony in the situation not to find it amusing.

Our second plane had little screens that lowered from the ceiling on which they were showing these beautiful nature shows! I didn't have my headphones, but I was watching the shows for the beautiful images and to keep my mind off of the terrible turbulence. I am assuming if I had been privileged enough to hear what the narrator was saying I would have realized that they were shifting topics on this particular documentary...all I know is that one second I was fascinated by the images of underwater volcanoes and running lava under the ocean, and the next second I was staring into the multiple eyes of a huge spider, made larger by the amazing zoom lenses of the camera men. 

It was close enough to count the individual hairs on it's many legs, and even had it not been zoomed in upon to such a disgusting level, it was a huge spider by any standard! I looked away as fast as I could and started giggling, half way between hysterics and genuine amusement that they very thing I had said could make a flight worse for me was happening. Michael laughed himself, and took great delight in narrating the eating and hunting habits of our large arachnid friend until it was again safe for me to watch. Overall, it was highly amusing, and reminds me that God Himself must have a sense of humor. 

I suppose I have rambled enough, and I have several thousand pictures to go through in the next couple of days. I will post some as soon as they are ready.

God bless and thank you for reading!

 

Never Enough Time

 There just isn't enough time.We've been in Ohio almost three weeks now, and even with every waking hour a busy one, we didn't have enough time. We didn't have the time we wanted with friends. We didn't get to go all the places we wanted to see. We didn't get to spend the time we needed to with family...

...and tomorrow we go back to Idaho.

It feels like only yesterday I was writing a blog about my fears of flying and how the next time I wrote I would be in Ohio. I didn't have time for most of our trip to even write a short one liner, but I had to get at least one blog in while listening to the sound of birds, where I can look out my window and see trees and all things beautiful.

It has been an amazing trip. I am sure that it will take several blogs to write about it fully, and even then I won't be able to express everything I would like to. I am not that good of an author, nor am I emotionally stable enough to be capable of putting a name to all the emotions I am feeling. Despite the fact that this has been an amazing 3 weeks, I have been filled with a measurable tint of sadness the whole time. Leaving tomorrow will be so much harder than it was the first time, because I know what is awaiting me on the other side of the trip. I have amazing friends and "framily" back in Idaho that I miss very much and who I can't wait to see, but the longing for Ohio that I know is waiting for me as well will not be so welcomed. On the flip side of that, things have changed, and in some cases, changed to a point where I will be happy to leave them behind. Memories can be much sweeter than the truth in some cases.

Tomorrow we get on a plane again...and I am just as scared this time around. Unlike other fears, that doesn't seem to be one that leaves me over time. I am praying we make it through safely and that we get to see our Framily back home...and I am praying that we get to make the return trip sooner rather than later. The next time I write, I will be back in Idaho. 

Thank you for reading and God Bless.

 

I'm Leaving On A Jet Plane...

...in just a few hours as a matter of fact.  I'm no calmer today than I was yesterday. I have yet to burst into tears though, so I guess I am ahead of the game. We've dropped Jake off at our friends house while we're gone.

Of course, I had everything planned out perfectly. Parker was going to get his bath and go to bed early since we'll be waking him up before 5am. Michael and I were going to shower and go to bed early as well so that we could be well rested for our trip instead of biting eachother's heads off.

Here we are right about the time I expected us both to be snuggling into bed, both us grown ups are yet un-showered, Parker would pick tonight to stay up until almost 10, the packing isn't done, the trash isn't out, I don't think I'm going to get the chance to sweep and mop like I wanted to, I haven't written out the instruction list for Shamrock and Tessa yet...Michael and Ivy are playing Army of 2, so I guess it will be 5 Hour Energy and coffee by the gallon tomorrow. That or we will just be running on pure adrenaline right up until we crash in bed tomorrow night. 

The next time I blog, it will be from OHIO! 

God bless and thank you for reading! 

 

I'm Not A Pessimist, I'm A Realist!

 I'm scared to death about Monday. I keep having nightmares (and daymares) about the plane ride. This isn't a new thing. I've been afraid of planes since TWA Flight 800 went down on July 17, 1996. I was 12, and it was all over the news for days. It left a horrible impression on me. A lasting impression. (No idea why I was permitted to watch hours of horrifying news coverage at the age of 12...)

Now, almost 14 years later, I have the logic of an adult behind me, but the same fear clutches at my chest when I think of getting on a plane. Logically, I know that the odds are on my side. I know that the odds of being in a plane crash are slim. The odds were on the sides of 230 people on July 17, 1996 too. The odds were on the side of every last passenger who boarded a plan on September 11th. Sometimes, no matter the odds, events are tipped in the other direction. Sometimes the horse that is ranked 30-1 wins over the 2-1 thoroughbred! 

And don't give me that "You have a better chance of being in a car crash than a plane crash" crap. That's like saying a woman has a better chance of dying in childbirth than a man does. Yes, statistically there are more people who have been in car accidents...because more people ride in cars per day!!! That's one of the most BS things I have ever heard, and is probably a statistic that some airline president came up with. Also, if my car crashes I am what, maybe a foot and a half off the ground? If our plane goes down it has to go down a few miles before it hits the ground! I might have more of a chance of being in a car crash, but I have a better chance of walking away from it too.

Poor Michael. He's never flown with me. He has no idea what he's in for. He tells me, and he is right, that I will pull it together for Parker's sake. It's not fair for me to transfer my fears onto him. This could be a wonderful, fun experience for him, and I will do everything in my power to make it such. After all, he'll only have his first plane ride once. So, I will smile and take pictures and try to keep my fear to an absolute minimum when he is around...Of course, I can't say I won't spend a lot of time becoming reacquainted with my breakfast in the airport bathroom before we board. 

Luckily, I don't get air sick...mainly because I refuse to move once I'm on the plane. Seriously...once I am on and strapped in I won't move until it is time to get off again. I have a completely irrational fear that somehow my standing up to use the restroom will throw the planes balance off, sending us rushing towards the Earth to end as a tangled mass of metal and wings...Even knowing how silly that sounds and is, it doesn't change the fact that even bending to get a book out of my carry on makes my heart race and my stomach turn. 

On the flip side, I can assure you that if my plane does go down, it won't be a terrorist that does it. Let some crazy guy (or woman...I don't gender discriminate) tell me he's taking over the plane with my son on board with a box cutter. They will be removing that from his colon once the plane lands. No, if we go down, it will be an act of fate...which makes me feel a little helpless.

I think the thing that scares me most is that I have Parker with me. If something happens, it will happen to him too. He is so young and precious and the thought that Michael and I could take him on a plane and something terrible could happen...I would feel like it was my fault!

I know we'll probably be fine. I know on Monday I will probably land safely in Ohio for the first time in 2.5 years! Knowing that doesn't stop me from being scared out of my mind. It's not helping me sleep at night. Luckily, once I'm in Ohio I'll have a great time and several weeks before I have to think about it again!

Thank you for listening to my ranting. Voicing my fears helps a little. I know the odds are in my favor. We'll say our prayers before getting on the plane and leave it in God's hands. After all, that's all anyone can do in any situation. I know that He will keep us in His light and grace, even if I am scared of the worst every minute of the flight. 

Thank you for reading and God bless!