I'm scared to death about Monday. I keep having nightmares (and daymares) about the plane ride. This isn't a new thing. I've been afraid of planes since TWA Flight 800 went down on July 17, 1996. I was 12, and it was all over the news for days. It left a horrible impression on me. A lasting impression. (No idea why I was permitted to watch hours of horrifying news coverage at the age of 12...)
Now, almost 14 years later, I have the logic of an adult behind me, but the same fear clutches at my chest when I think of getting on a plane. Logically, I know that the odds are on my side. I know that the odds of being in a plane crash are slim. The odds were on the sides of 230 people on July 17, 1996 too. The odds were on the side of every last passenger who boarded a plan on September 11th. Sometimes, no matter the odds, events are tipped in the other direction. Sometimes the horse that is ranked 30-1 wins over the 2-1 thoroughbred!
And don't give me that "You have a better chance of being in a car crash than a plane crash" crap. That's like saying a woman has a better chance of dying in childbirth than a man does. Yes, statistically there are more people who have been in car accidents...because more people ride in cars per day!!! That's one of the most BS things I have ever heard, and is probably a statistic that some airline president came up with. Also, if my car crashes I am what, maybe a foot and a half off the ground? If our plane goes down it has to go down a few miles before it hits the ground! I might have more of a chance of being in a car crash, but I have a better chance of walking away from it too.
Poor Michael. He's never flown with me. He has no idea what he's in for. He tells me, and he is right, that I will pull it together for Parker's sake. It's not fair for me to transfer my fears onto him. This could be a wonderful, fun experience for him, and I will do everything in my power to make it such. After all, he'll only have his first plane ride once. So, I will smile and take pictures and try to keep my fear to an absolute minimum when he is around...Of course, I can't say I won't spend a lot of time becoming reacquainted with my breakfast in the airport bathroom before we board.
Luckily, I don't get air sick...mainly because I refuse to move once I'm on the plane. Seriously...once I am on and strapped in I won't move until it is time to get off again. I have a completely irrational fear that somehow my standing up to use the restroom will throw the planes balance off, sending us rushing towards the Earth to end as a tangled mass of metal and wings...Even knowing how silly that sounds and is, it doesn't change the fact that even bending to get a book out of my carry on makes my heart race and my stomach turn.
On the flip side, I can assure you that if my plane does go down, it won't be a terrorist that does it. Let some crazy guy (or woman...I don't gender discriminate) tell me he's taking over the plane with my son on board with a box cutter. They will be removing that from his colon once the plane lands. No, if we go down, it will be an act of fate...which makes me feel a little helpless.
I think the thing that scares me most is that I have Parker with me. If something happens, it will happen to him too. He is so young and precious and the thought that Michael and I could take him on a plane and something terrible could happen...I would feel like it was my fault!
I know we'll probably be fine. I know on Monday I will probably land safely in Ohio for the first time in 2.5 years! Knowing that doesn't stop me from being scared out of my mind. It's not helping me sleep at night. Luckily, once I'm in Ohio I'll have a great time and several weeks before I have to think about it again!
Thank you for listening to my ranting. Voicing my fears helps a little. I know the odds are in my favor. We'll say our prayers before getting on the plane and leave it in God's hands. After all, that's all anyone can do in any situation. I know that He will keep us in His light and grace, even if I am scared of the worst every minute of the flight.
Thank you for reading and God bless!