So, I've been gone for awhile again. I wish I could say I just got lazy about keeping up with my blog, but this time it was really much more than that. Again, when I really could have used my blog for an outlet the most, I found that I had way too much on my plate.
Last Monday our oldest niece, Sophia, was rushed to the hospital after she started seizing during her nap. This is not the first time Sophia has had a seizure, but this time they were unable to stop it, even at the hospital. They intubated her and sedated her before taking her by care flight to a hospital in Toledo where they were more able to treat her. It was the same hospital she had been lifted to nearly 5 years ago when she was born, so it was almost surreal when we went up to visit.
There was our girl, our Peanut, bigger and taller than she was last time, but it was all too similar. The tubes. The machines. The fear. It was all very similar to how it felt almost 5 years ago standing next to her little baby incubator with Michael and praying. Praying that she would get better. Praying that she would make it.
Only this time Michael wasn't there. I'd had to tell him that his niece was in the hospital from the other side of the world, and that she was very sick though they didn't know why. Michael is crazy about his nieces. He loves them like they are his, and he has a special bond with his Sophia. I knew how much he wanted to be there. I knew how much I wanted him there. Neither of us could have our way, so instead I leaned over and held her hand, telling her how much her Uncle and I loved her and that it was all going to be OK.
They were keeping her sedated so that she wouldn't try to fight and pull out her tubes, but her eyes opened and she saw me. Her little hand squeezed mine back and I prayed harder. Parker, bless his heart, had picked out a very soft, fluffy Hello Kitty toy for her, and her little hand grasped onto that when I placed it down next to her.
And when it was time to leave, she started to cry. My heart broke. No part of me wanted to do anything except stay by her side until they let her come home, but it wasn't a possibility. So, they sedated her some more and we left.
And I prayed.
I was exhausted. I know that it was worry. I know that it was stress. But I very much felt my body go from feeling great to just breaking down over the next few days. I was worried what the stress would do to my own pregnancy, but I couldn't not be scared for her. She is so little and so fragile. I had to give Michael daily updated, which was hard as there wasn't much to report differently. Her MRI had shown no additional damage to her brain, which was good news, but they still weren't sure why the seizures had been so violent or why they hadn't been able to stop them. They still had to keep her intubated because there was bacteria in her lungs that caused all this gunk to build up that they were trying to break up and get out. Until then though, they had to make sure she could breath. Because she had to be intubated, she had to be sedated, and to think of a 4 year old being intubated and sedated for so many days was scary. As every day went by, my fear grew.
As fast as it started, it stopped though. After a week they removed the tubes. The antibiotics started working on the bacteria and our Peanut started smiling again! Our Sophia, who is always making the sun shine with her smile, started smiling again. It was wonderful news! It was like all the weight of the world had been lifted. I had good news to tell Michael, which was just wonderful! I knew he'd been as worried, if not more so, than me, and getting to give him good news was like Christmas!
As of now, we still don't know exactly what caused everything. Was it something new or just more of Sophia's medical issues rearing their ugly head? It's possible we'll never know. Medically, Sophia is like a giant Rubix cube. There are many things we aren't sure of, but it just makes her even more special.
So, that's where I was. Then I took a couple of days to re-coup and re-group. I needed them. I'm back now.