Yup...that's what today was. Just one of those days. Nothing special was planned. It was a little muggy, but not too bad. Not warm enough for a trip to the pool though. Just kind of a blah blah sit around kind of day, which is fine to have every once in awhile, but I've been stir crazy lately. Sit around kind of days don't particularly help the stir crazy side of me.
Part of it is that things have not been all well with my family. I love my family, please don't get me wrong, but there are just key points about every day life we don't agree on. We are all very different people...that is to say, I am very different from the rest of them...and it causes conflict. Conflict that usually ends up in my being "the bad guy" since it is usually me against something they are all basically on the same page about. Like I said, I love them, but I am the very obvious black sheep of the immediate family, and that just causes some natural issues.
Especially when we are all together much of the time experiencing blah blah sit around days.
On the other hand, I have someone very like me around all the time too, and he is the rope that keeps me tethered to sanity most of the time! He is also why I am writing this, because he made a day that could have been "just one of those days" turn into "just one of those days where you sit back and thank God for blessing you!". Yup...it was just one of those days.
Bubba is just an amazing little person. Yes, yes, I know he is my son and I am supposed to say that, but even if you took that out of the picture, he really is wonderful! He's got such a warm, loving little heart. He worries too much, especially for a 2 year old, but he inherited that honestly from me. He also has some very "Monk" like traits that lead me to believe that he'll be OCD about certain things, but that's OK too. He's perfect. It's just that simple.
We went out for a walk this evening. I was feeling pretty down today, and just tired. I'd cried today as I watched him play, crying for the first time about the upcoming little baby. Not because we're going to have another child...I am over the moon about that...but because of what I will be losing. My special time with just one, which I'll never have again, and can never get back. So, all in all, I was feeling rather blah, and not in the mood for a walk at all. But Parker wanted to go for a walk, and it's hard to ignore "Please, Mama? Walk please?" when you have his little blue eyes looking up at you pleadingly. Those eyes are mine too, and the guys my husband works with dubbed them the "Lady Killers" when he was about 3 weeks old. They are right too. Those eyes can get me to do almost anything, and I'm not a pushover Mommy.
So, we went for a walk. And it was perfect. Picture, if you will, walking down the street on a not-too-hot Summer evening with your toddler walking along silently next to you, hand in yours just because he wants you. It's quiet, and peaceful, and every trouble you have had that day seems to melt away with every step you take. Looking down next to you, you absolutely see perfection, and then and there you stop to thank God for making you this little man's Mommy.
It wasn't a walk most people would have looked at from the outside and describes as "peaceful", I'm sure. For one thing, Parker had brought his little ball popper with him and was leading it along behind him like some noisy dog. We had out own personal soundtrack of clattering plastic balls with us wherever we went. Every once in awhile a contraction or sharp jab from within would make me grimace and pause, but to me it was a reminder of the new little one on the way. (I didn't cry again, but came close.) Sometimes Bubba would look up at me and yell over the sound of his toy "Clouds, Mama! White clouds!" with a huge smile that made my heart melt. For me, it was heaven. For anyone with their windows open hoping to catch a breeze it was probably pretty annoying.
I really don't care either. I'm just rude like that.
He is 2. So rarely now he just wants to walk along beside me hand in hand. There is always something going on. But today he wanted me, and just me. His little hand fit perfectly into mine, as it always does, and on the rare occasion he decided to walk ahead to inspect something he would stop and turn and come running back to me just to throw his arms around my legs and say "Love you, Mama!" I am so blessed. It was one of those evenings where I was left thinking that if everything else was falling down around me, I'd at least have this moment to know that life was perfect! Not everyone has those moments, but I got one. And it was amazing.
I also got a chance to celebrate later for not one, but three trips to the potty to poop! We're pretty much got the pee thing down, but pooping is still our nemesis, so it was a big deal. Never in my early years did I think that poop in a potty would be a cause for singing, dancing, high fives, hugs, kisses, and candy canes...but they are all that and more! Yes, even a little poop in a potty is a blessing if you look at it the right way.