So, here's the deal...I think this is a great idea. Over at Marvelous Mommy they are doing a Weekly Weigh In. You post your weight, and are encouraged to post a picture, for the whole blogging world to see. The idea is that you will be able to show off your weight loss...but you will also be showing off gain...
Needless to say, this is my problem. I have always had a terrible self-image. Well, probably not always, but as long as I can remember. To top that off, I am not one of those jolly fat people who stuff my face with jelly and candy. I am not saying all fat people do this, but we have all seen those shows with 1,000 lb people who are talking to the camera about how they don't understand why they are so heavy as they eat their breakfast of 10 pancakes, 12 waffles, a whole dozen eggs, a loaf of toast with sugary jam, a pound of bacon and a whole package of sausage. We've all also known that fat person who talks about having a "glandular" problem while eating half a cake and a gallon of ice cream.
The truth is, I really do have a glandular problem. Two actually, and I just recently found out that I have probably never been on the right dosage of thyroid medication. (I have been hypothyroid since the age of 9) So that just got changed last week. I also have a tumor that presses against some glands causing me to produce too much of certain hormones and equaling in weight gain. When my tumor first started to develop I had no clue about it and, to make a long story short, I gained almost 100 lbs in less than 2 years. They finally figured out what was wrong and had me medicated, but I had to come off of it when I was pregnant and breastfeeding and have just got back on. It makes me sick, but it's worth it to be healthy, right.
Unfortunately, it is not uncommon for me, no matter how much I work out or how many salads I eat, to have my weight alter 10 to 20 lbs in a matter of a week and a half or two weeks, making it a very hard proposition for me to post my weight for the world to see. I am ashamed of it. Ashamed to the point that I am in tears sitting here even thinking about posting my weight. But that is what the Weekly Weigh In calls for. I just don't have the strength for it yet.
So, I am going to take the pictures and weigh myself, but keep it a secret just for me, for now. I'm going to post how much I want to lose and I will post how much I have lost or gained every week...but I just can't bring myself to post my actual weight. Hopefully I'll be able to do it in the next week or two. I can pray for that strength, but I just don't know if I have it. I am far too afraid of being laughed at or having people think "Wow! What a cow!" I wish I wasn't so weak, but there it is. I am.
So here is my (kinda) Weekly Weigh In. I have weighed myself, taken pictures, and gotten my cry out.
Starting Weight - ***
Current Weight -***
Weight Loss Goal by December -***
Pounds left to make that Goal - 85.5
Feel free to join in the Weekly Weigh In. I am sure most of your are stronger than me in your ability to put it all out there, but I just can't do it yet. Not because I'm not committed, but because I'm scared, plain and simple.