Hi. My name is Holly, and I'm...

...Loud. If you've met me you already know this. If you haven't this is your warning. It's not like I go around screaming in libraries or anything, but you probably won't have to strain to hear me often either. I'm loud. I've spent a lot of my life trying not to be loud, being made to feel bad about it, or being judged for it. I'm still loud. I also curse more than I should. (Sorry, Grandmama.) I'm trying to get better about the cursing though. After all, the littles are watching. Besides, thinking of creative, non-cursing ways to express myself can be fun. Or at least figuring out non-American curses I can throw at people that sound awesome enough that people aren't entirely sure what I'm calling them until I'm long gone. 

Anyways...

Apparently some people think my being loud means that I'm angry all the time or something. It doesn't. I'm always loud. I'm loud when I'm angry, yes, but I'm also loud when I'm happy, sad, scared, delighted, perplexed, excited, tired, giddy...You get the idea. I'm loud. I'm not loud when it isn't appropriate. I'm not loud, or even talkative when I'm out of my element or around people I don't know. In fact, quite the opposite, I tend to get so quiet that I can apparently come off as standoffish and "bitchy". I guess I'm "loud" even in my silence. I suppose I make up for that by being extra loud when I'm in my spaces and around people I'm comfortable with. Here in Colorado that would be my family.  

People apparently don't like this. I've apparently become the talk of some of the more childish folks here on base. And you know what. I'm okay with it. It's taken me quite awhile, but there are some things about me that I'm starting to like. Not all of the time. Old habits are hard to break, so I don't want it to seem like I'm dancing around 24/7 with an "I don't give a #*$%!" attitude. But I have this inner bad ass named Roxie that started to appear sometime around 30, and sometimes when it starts to bother what other people say or think she'll appear, give me a good kick in the tush, and say something like "Jesus, Holly, you're loud! It's who you are. They can get over it or they can go screw themselves, but it's their loss. Not yours."

So, I'm loud. That's my great confession of the day. That, and I guess the fact that I have an imaginary inner bad ass named Roxie. *thumbs up* I'm kind of strange. 

Michael's on mids tonight, the boys room has been silent for awhile, and my tiny dancer is fast asleep. I could clean, watch Doctor Who reruns, read...Decisions, decisions. 

(Immediately after writing that a little boy that I know sneaked up silently and peeked through my door. It took everything in me not to scream bloody murder. Never a dull moment with these three!) 

Happy New Year!

I did terribly last year. Resolutions were a joke. Instead of writing and photographing more I did less. It was a rough year for many people I know, and I wasn't prepared for it. 2014 was so absolutely amazing that it would make sense that 2015 wouldn't be quite as good. I wasn't prepared for how very bad it would be at times though. 2015 was a rough year. We powered through, but not without bruises and scars. Not without tears and moments of "I simply can't do this anymore." We made it out on the other side together. Here's hoping that 2016 has more highs than lows, more friends than foes, and more laughter than tears. 

This is easily one of my favorite mottos when entering a new year. I've posted it in both 2014 and 2015. I'm making it a goal. The idea is that I will wrote something, even if it's only one sentence, every day in 2016. It might be as simple as "Wow. This day really sucked." or, on a more positive note, "This was one of the best days ever!", (let's hope for more of those than not, right?) but I will write something.

To up the challenge to myself to do more things I enjoy, I will also take a photograph of something, anything, every day in 2016. At least one. (Hopefully more.) I hope that, in making this a challenge for myself, I can start to find some of the joy in these things that I once did. 

Here's to making 2016 one helluva good book!

Our first family picture of 2016!

Resolutions: 2015 Edition

It's that time of year again. Time for resolutions. Time for challenges. Time for change. Looking back on last year's resolutions, I didn't do as well as I would have liked. Some resolutions I didn't get done for a very good reason (For example, running a 5K in 2014 didn't happen because I was pregnant with Lady E. I know some people run while pregnant, but I seem to turn extra clumsy when I'm with child, and I never feel like running is a safe option for me.) Other resolutions I just failed at because of forgetfulness, bad time management, laziness...Whatever the reason, they didn't all get done.

I hope to do better this year. Some of my resolutions are new ones, and some of them are familiar resolution, but they are all important to me.

• Back up my pictures every two weeks. 
• Something from last year's list. It didn't get done as often as I would like, but I did back things up more often. I need to back them up more. I am still haunted by the hard drive tucked away safely in my desk that contains the first 6 months of Sebastian's life. I don't want to go through regret like that again. 

• Speaking of, now that we are in Colorado Springs, I need to look into options for retrieving those pictures. There were no local options in Idaho, (and the thought of sending the hard drive 4 states away made me panic) but there might be some here. It's more than worth the shot!

• Blog/Write more.
• This was on the list last year too. I did end up logging a bit more last year, but I need to write more in general. I enjoy writing. I've loved it since I was a kid. It might not be great or poetic, but it's something I enjoy. I need to do more of it. I plan on blogging twice a week, at least, and writing just for fun whenever I have the time. (I might have to negotiate times with Michael.)

• Photograph more.
• I've let myself get too caught up in other people possibly judging my pictures. I'm no professional, and I don't know if I ever will be, but my pictures also aren't shit. I don't care if other people like them. I do. They are my memories. Moments in time I can freeze and look back on one day when my littles aren't little anymore. I'm taking more and posting more and the heck with people who want to belittle and critique. (I'm 100% for positive critiques, just for the record, but I'm not listening to the bitchy/catty BS anymore.)

• Read more.
• I love reading, but it's taken a back seat in recent years. Let me be more specific: I still read a lot, but novels have taken a back seat to picture books. I love reading picture books, Michael has always joked that he knows he can find me in the children's section of a book store, but I miss reading just for me too. To help inspire me to read more for me I've decided to do a reading challenge in 2015. I've signed up for Goodreads and everything to keep track of what I've read, and there is a Facebook group for those of us participating. I think I'm going to start with The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings. Just because I haven't read them in awhile. I'm excited.
• 2015 Memory Jar
• This was another I meant to do last year, but it just got lost in the shuffle of a move, a baby, and life. I wish I'd done it though, because 2014 had some amazing moments, and I'm hoping to make more amazing moments in 2015. The idea is to fill a mason jar (or some other container) with memories. Every time something sweet, happy, wonderful, etc. happens you just jot it down on a piece of paper and toss it in the jar. On the last day of the year you sit down and read all the precious memories for that year. I hope to make a tradition of it.

• Colorado Bucket List
• I need to make one. There are things in Idaho we never did that I regret. I don't want that here. Along those lines...

• I'm going to climb The Incline this year.
• The Incline is a huge tourist draw in Manitou Springs. (I can't for the life of me imagine why!) It's 2,741 steps set into the side of a mountain, a one-mile ascent that brings you up in elevation by about 2,000 feet. The average grade is 43%, though it hits 68% according to http://www.manitouincline.com/. I, who am terrified of heights in every sense of the word, have decided that I want to do The Incline. Part of it is a fitness goal, but part of it is also a challenge to myself to overcome some of my fears. Chances are I will completely freak out half way up and have to be saved by whoever it is that comes and saves stupid, plump women who decide that they want to try to climb up 2,741 steps in Colorado...But I want to try.

• I'm also going to run a 5K this year.
• Boom! Take that, fitness!

• "Unplugged" days once a month. 
• This is one from last year, and I'm going to do it this year too. I didn't end up hitting every month, but I had "unplugged" days more than I thought I might in 2014. I plan to continue the trend in 2015. Maybe I'll get adventurous and try for twice a month!

• Drink more water.
• I started drinking a ton of water when I was pregnant with Lady E, because it was the only thing that tasted good most days. I've kept my intake up since she arrived, and I plan to keep up the trend in 2015.

• Family game/movie nights at least once a month. 
• Another resolution from 2014, and one I managed to keep. I want to keep it going this year too.

• Be a calmer, happier me.
• This includes not stressing so much about the small stuff. Realizing that a lot of it is much smaller than I make it. Enjoying and embracing every day...Even the not-so-fun days. Becoming a calmer mommy. They will mirror what I model, so I need to model what I want to see in them.

• Laugh more.
• I am a serious person. That's just my personality, but I used to laugh a lot more than I do now. I need to laugh more. I need to cut lose every once in awhile and realize that things just don't have to be that serious all the time. It's okay to laugh at and be really silly/stupid sometimes. I need to embrace that. 

• Send pictures to my family at least three days a week.
• In addition to sending pictures by email, I want to burn disks every month to send to Grandmama and Grandpapa. Then they will have all the pictures I have, and they will have them in high resolution. (And it will count as yet one more way to back up my pictures.)

• Have a baby.
• I kid! I kid! Having a baby was my last, and most hoped for "resolution" last year. We'd been trying for ever so long, and I so wanted another little to add to our family. I could practically feel our third little in my arms. Shortly after the start of the year we found out that I was finally, wonderfully pregnant! Right after finding out we had a very scary day of spotting where I thought I might lose my precious little Bean. But she held on, and she's here, and she's perfect and amazing and everything I ever could have imagined. (and so much more!) Having another little might be in our future, someday, but not in 2015. :) (My mother and Grandmother probably passed out right after reading "Have a baby." Either that, or I am probably taking several anxious phone calls right now.)

At the beginning of last year I remember thinking that 2014 was going to be an amazing year for us. And it was. We went through so many things last year, and experienced both extreme highs and impossible lows, but we got through it. 2014 was an amazing year, and I think that 2015 will have a hard time topping it. We're going to try to make it amazing though! I have high hopes... 

New Year, New Resolutions

It's that time again! That magical time of year when everyone makes resolutions about how they are going to be better in the year to come. Everyone jumps in with both feet, heart brimming with the best of intentions, but, if you are like me, they often find, come year's end, that they have fallen short. Again.

Last year's resolutions seemed attainable to me when I wrote them. Some of them were achieved, some of them weren't. Some of them, whether I achieved them or not in 2013, are on the list again this year. This year I wanted to be even more realistic in hopes that I could achieve my goals.

• Back up my pictures once a month every two weeks.
• Tucked away safely in a drawer in my desk is a hard drive. An external hard drive that had been our back-up, and which fell to the floor exactly two days after my laptop crashed in January 2012, which was before I'd had a chance to back-up my back-up. On that hard drive are the first 6 months of Sebastian's life, none of which had been put on disk yet due to the exhaustion of a new baby, the excitement of Michael coming home from Afghanistan, and medical issues of my own caused by my gallbladder and pancreas. One day I will save up the money needed to send that precious hard drive away to (hopefully) be fixed by a man (or woman) in a white lab far away. Until then, it will be safely packed away and I will be anal about backing up my pictures. I take so many a month though that I really need to do it at least every two weeks or it takes several hours.
• Blog more.
• This was on my list last year too, and I don't think I can say I achieved it. I had more going on this year, but did less blogging about it. I really enjoy blogging. It's a wonderful outlet, and I love having my blog as a way to keep family up to date on our going ons. (It's more fun than e-mails.) It's only the second. I will blog more this year. I would like it to be at least three times a week, but giving myself a specific number like that is like setting myself up for failure, so I will just say that I want to blog more, and I will see if I can do that.  
• Write more.
• Once again, not just blogging, but writing. I did NaNoWriMo again in 2013, but I don't just want to write one month out of twelve. I have always been a writer, and I need to take time for me to do it. I can't get anything published if I'm not writing it. Stories do no good if they are stuck living forever in my head.
• Keep getting healthy.
• Yet another resolution making an appearance from last year's (and many other year's) list. 2014 will be the year I continue to get healthy in. I started running last year, and can now do more than I ever would have thought, though not as much as I'd like. I lost some weight in 2013, and hope to lose more, though I am trying to concentrate more on the health than the number on the scale. I know I can do it. It's important for me, and it's important for my family. I made a good start of it in 2013, and I'm not going to stop now.
• 2014 Jar of Greatness
• Sometimes days and weeks and months can go by so quickly, and can be so overwhelming, that you forget the little pieces of normal that happen in your every day life. I want to keep better track of those little moments. I'm going to get a huge mason jar this year and keep it on a shelf in the living room. Every time something wonderful, sweet, funny, or special happens, no matter how big or small the moment is, I am going to write it down on a piece of paper and put it away safely in the jar. Then, on the last day of 2014, we will open it up and read through the moments of greatness, reliving the amazing memories from 2014. I like the idea and hope to make a family tradition of it that will last for many years to come!
• Make a Colorado Bucket List.
• We're leaving Idaho this year. After six years in Idaho, there are still things that I'd wanted to do that we never got to, and I don't want to have the same regrets when it comes time to leave Colorado. So Michael, the boys, and I are going to sit down together as a family and make a Colorado Bucket List: The things we want to be sure we do while living in the "Centennial State". (What a lame state name.) 
• Get all my pictures hung in the new house. 
• This seems like a really small thing, but it's not! I have this stack of pictures that I want to have hung up in different parts of the house that never made it to the walls in our Idaho house. Before long I will be taking the pictures that did make it up off the walls, preparing for our big move. When we get to Colorado, I want the new house to feel like home as quickly as possible, because that is certainly the feeling we will be leaving behind in our home in Idaho. I think having pictures, all the pictures, up will help with that. It could very well take way, way too long for me to get that done, but I am hoping that this resolution will help me get our pictures up withing a month or two! :)
• Family game night/movie nights at least twice a month.
• We already have movie nights fairly often, but I think it will be easy for them to get lost in the hustle and bustle of moving several states and trying to get settled into a new home. I want to make sure that we don't lose sight of that in all the changes that are coming up. Also, this gives me an excuse to buy more new board games. I dream of one day having a closet just full of board games to choose from! Maybe I should add buying a new board game once a month to my list of resolutions...
• Have an "unplugged" day once a month.
• I first read the idea on Kelle Hampton's blog, Enjoying the Small Things. (If you haven't, read it! It's my favorite blog out there!) Way back in 2011 Kelle did an Unplugged Day during a blog series she did sponsored by Hallmark. I love the idea, and have decided that I am going to have an Unplugged Day once a month. Last year I resolved to spend less time on the internet. I can say that I failed miserably, but I think that doing a 100% unplugged day twelve times this year might be a resolution I can stick with. We'll see. ;) 
• Finish my first novel.
• Back in 2012 I participated in NaNoWriMo for the first time. Not only did I participate, but I finished my word goal for the year, writing over 50,000 words towards my first novel. Even though I exceeded my 50,000 word goal, my novel was left unfinished. I would like to finish it, at least the original draft, this year. Hopefully before I start NaNoWriMo again in November. 
• Send pictures every day at least three times a week to all family.
• I used to be very, very good at sending regular e-mails filled with pictures to all of our distant family. During Parker's first year of life I sent several e-mails a day. It's something I have been slacking at lately, and I know that our family, particularly members of our family who have never actually had the chance to meet the boys in person yet, appreciate more frequent updates. I'm going to make the time to send pictures out at least three times a week this year.
• Send hard copies of pictures to our family every two months.
• The same family members who enjoy regular emails also enjoy having hard copies of those pictures to hang or carry around. We even have some family members who don't have email at all (Yes, those people still exist.), so the only pictures they get of the boys are photographs I send via post. I really, really need to get better at sending those out, so I'm setting a goal to send those out at least every two months. 
• Run my first 5K.
• I started running this past year, and planned on running my first 5K back in August. I was unable to participate in that 5K, but I want to run at least one in the next twelve months. I'm a littler nervous about running in Colorado Springs, several people have warned me about the difference that the change of elevation will make, but I am going to run a 5K in 2014!
• Eliminate the Negativity.
• I don't want it. I don't need it. I'm cutting it all out in 2014!
• Have a baby?
• It was on my list last year, not so much as a resolution, but it was a huge goal/dream of mine in 2013. Since I was a very little girl I have always known that I would have a baby in 2013. Well, I was wrong. It was a long year of trying, hoping, praying, brainstorming with my RE, and trying strange, mystical potions that I found in an ancient book deep within the candle lit back room of our local second hand book store. (I am kidding about that last part...maybe...) Unfortunately, it was not our year. I very happily helped several friends and my own brother welcome new littles this past year, and I am hoping and praying that 2014 will bring us another little of our own. 

Wow, that's quite a list this year! I know it's only the second, but I feel like we're off to a good start. I told Michael that I feel really positive about 2014. This is going to be our year! Big things are happening in the Gordon family this year, and we are going to rock this year! Michael always gives me these pleasant smiles and nods, though I am pretty sure that he thinks I'm just a little crazy when I get these big ideas and talk like I'm ready to take over the world. That's okay. Maybe I am. But I have a good feeling about this year. 2014 is going to be a good one.

What are some resolutions/goals you have for the upcoming years?

Take a Moment to Breath

Well here we are again. Again it has been far too long. Again I have so much to catch up on. However, I'm going to take a moment hear to just breath. The last thing I want is for my blog to become a stressful thing. I want to come here to release stress. So I'm going to take a breath, let out an "Ohm", and realize that I can catch up on everything over several posts. It doesn't all have to be in this one. (Thank goodness, or it might turn into a small novelette.) 

Take a Moment and Breath needs to be my new motto in life, not just on the blog. I realized today that it is all going by way to fast. Despite being here every day, part of ever moment, I feel like I'm missing it. 

Maybe it isn't so much needing to take a moment to breath. Maybe it's more "Take a Breath and Enjoy the Moment You're IN" I am a stresser. I am a planner. Part of that is always having a wary eye (or two) on the future. Lately, I feel that I have been spending so much time looking ahead that I am forgetting to embrace the moments happening around me. I don't want to do that. I don't want to be that. Any mother can tell you that the little moments with your children go by far too quickly anyways...Even if you aren't wasting time looking (and worrying) forward.

Obviously you have to look forward for some things. You can't just skip through life with no thought to the future. Never wondering what the consequences of your present choices might be. Never planing for the future of your children or your family. That doesn't work either. But there has to be a balance. You have to take the time, while peeking through the misty window into your future, to stop and take in what is going on around you. Right here. Right this second.

There are a lot of different dishes piled up on out plates right now. There are some unusual "work things" going on with Michael that have us both on edge. Unimaginable trials are going on with family back home in Ohio, and months of prayers, tears, and lengthy conversations have wrung us dry and flung us aside feeling helpless and stressed. (And mad, betrayed, hopeless, alone...You get the idea.) Our usual homesickness has been further assaulted by the realization that Michael might not get to take the leave we were planing on this Summer so that we could go home. (Michael hasn't been home in almost 3 years, and I haven't seen the Buckeye State in 18 months now.) As usual, my own body and health seem to be working against me in every goal that I have for this year, including the possibility of extending our family. And just this week poor Michael ended up in the hospital with pancreatitis, which lets me know that the stress of the last several months has caught up with my usually absurdly healthy husband's body. (A fact that doesn't help easy my own worry or stress at all. Michael is the rock that our family builds it's foundation on. To see him falter in any way shape or form makes me feel like the world has gone all shaky.)

It would be easy, with everything going on, to lose site of the magical little moments happening around us every day. And I am guilty of that. Some days I feel 100% on the ball, and some days I feel like a lifetime has passed me by, and I have missed all of it. My baby, my baby, turned 18 months old this week. He is so brilliant. Such a smart boy, and I'm not saying that because he's mine. :) He really is a brilliant child. He reminds me so much of his brother, except he is not as verbal. He has no issues comprehending, but his needs and desires are usually met without much need to talk about it. A direct result of being the baby in a family with two enchanted parents and an adoring brother. Still, every day he is learning something new, or showing me something that I think is new but he's probably known how to do for months. :) He's just amazing, but I get little aches in my heart when I look at him and realize that my "baby" has morphed into a toddler and will be a brilliant young man before I can take another breath.

As Parker is. I remember him so vividly at Sebastian's age. And I don't know when it happened. I can't pinpoint the moment, and that makes me sad, but my first born is all little boy now. There is nothing left of the toddler that was just yesterday crawling into my lap for snuggles. Gone is the chub of his precious little baby cheeks. He is tall and lean and will talk to you in length about ninja turtles, trains, and favorite books. He wants to know who, what, where, when and why about everything. He is everyday teaching his brother something new, and he can navigate an iPod better than most adults I know. (They both can, truth be told. The other day Sebastian answered my phone and had a lengthy conversation with my mother before I even knew that he was talking to a real person. I thought he was pretending.) Parker has the most beautiful heart I have ever seen in a child, and again I am not just saying this because he is mine. He is truly a blessed, beautiful soul who loves life and whose goodness just radiates to those around him. Even when he is being a stubborn little boy that makes me want to pull my hair out. :)

I don't want to miss this. I can't miss this, because they are moments I can't get back. I have a feeling that they will just keep going by faster and faster too, and that scares the jeepers out of me! So I need to embrace my new motto. I need to remember to take a breath and enjoy the moment I am living right now. Yes, tomorrow might bring with it a whole new set of worries. Yes, my obsessive planning and re-planing might help us avoid x, y, or z in the distant future, but if I miss this, if I miss what is going on in my own back yard right now, then what is the point? If I spend my entire life planning the perfect future, I'll miss everything I've worried so much about anyways.

This isn't an intervention. I know full well that I won't wake up tomorrow with the weight of the world lifted from my shoulders, stretching luxuriously, every hair in place, as bluebirds alight on my window singing a blissful morning tune. I have been a worrier for over 29 years, and that isn't going to change now. But I am going to make a very strong effort to put the worry aside enough that I can still grasp onto these moments I am living now. I owe it to my family. I owe it to me.

And now, for some amazing moments I captured in the last week or so. I live for this!

This was so much fun, and has been requested several times. Parker can identify all of his capitol letters and about 65% of his lower case letters. He's still struggling with a few though (and lets be fair, "b" and "d" can be confusing, and "q" just makes no sense), and this is a great way to practice. While he did that, Sebastian sat beside him and matched the colors, which was an added bonus and one of those things that I am just sure he's known how to do for forever but decided to keep hidden until he could really shock Mommy.

This is also my Pin A Week moment for this week. I can't take credit for this. I found it while perusing through Pinterest one day. Ah, Pinterest. You are so loved!

There is something just kind of magical about brothers. I can't describe it any better than that, and it doesn't really need a description.

Parker said he wanted to give me a Valentine, then walked up and did this with a cheerful "Happy Valentine's, Mommy! I love you!" Yeah. I kind of melted.

This happened this week. What?! Our little daredevil learned how to climb out of his crib, and to avoid injury, we decided that it was time to put him in a "big boy bed". I don't know why it shocked me so much. Parker was about the same age, if I remember correctly, but I kind of felt like I was kicked in the stomach. He has taken to it like a champ! So proud of my bi boys! (By the way, the boys sharing a room is amazing! They love it, we love it, it's beautiful! Again, something amazing and special about brothers!)

The moments that really matter!

Resolutions

Well, the New Year has come and gone...and once again I have been absent for far too long. Silly life keeps getting in the way, and then when I have time to blog about it I am too darn tired.  

Still, before January completely passes us by, I wanted to get my New Years Resolutions out there for all to see. It helps me as he year goes on to be able to come back and look at them. That way I can see where I am excelling and where I need to put a little more work in. So, here they are! Holly's New Years Resolutions: 2013!

• Blog More.
• Since it is January 30th and this is the first blog of the year, I guess you can see how successful that has been. :0) I really do want to blog more. It is something I enjoy. I can't tell you how many times I find myself composing a blog in my head that I just never find the time to get down. (I've been "writing" this one for about 4 weeks.) It relaxes me, allows me to vent, gives me a creative outlet...It is important for me to take the time to do things that I enjoy just for me, and blogging is one of those things. So I want to do it more in 2013, including starting up my Pin A Week again, which is another way for me to stretch my creativity throughout the year. There are so many excuses not to, but my excuse to do it is me. And that needs to start being important too. Which brings me to...
• Learning To Love Myself More
• I have spent years hating the person looking back at me when I stand in front of the mirror. She isn't pretty enough. She isn't skinny enough. She has too much of a temper. She isn't a good enough mother. She isn't a good enough daughter, sister, granddaughter, wife...I see every little fault she has without looking at the things that are good about that woman in my mirror. The way I feel about myself has resulted in putting her last a lot, and I need to stop doing that. Maybe she and I could get along a bit more if I took the time to make her a priority just every once in awhile. Like taking the time to blog, or take some pictures, or writing out those stories that are floating around in my head. I need to start coming to terms with her, because I'm stuck with her for the rest of my life.
• Write More
• Not just my blogs. I need to write more. I participated in NaNoWriMo this past November and loved it! I didn't finish my novel, but I wrote over 50,000 words in one month! And I loved how it felt! I have always loved writing. Always wanted to be a published author, and that can't happen if all I do is lay around dreaming about it. I have to do it. And I will!
• Get Healthy
• So many years everyone, including myself, makes some resolution that sounds similar to "I will lose 50lbs by this Summer!". This just sets a person up for failure, because when you don't reach your goal you end up feeling bad about yourself and thinking you failed. There is no perfect number. People are so hung up on weight that they don't realize someone who weighs 110lbs can be just as unhealthy as someone who weighs 260lbs. It's not about the number on the scale, but about being healthy. I need to stop looking at that number and letting it make or break me. Of course I want to lose weight, but it is more important that I am healthy. For my sake, for the sake of the people who love me, my sons, my husband...I need to be healthy. And this is the year for it. I am kissing 30 at this point. If I'm going to do it now is the time!
• Read More
• I think that one kind of speaks for its self. There are a ton of books out there I have never tackled that I want to. Like writing, it is something I enjoy that relaxes me and I need to do more of it.
• Less Internet
• Everyone needs to spend a little less time on the interwebs these days. Myself included. There need to be days where a person just doesn't even turn on their computer or look at their phone. I need more of those days.
• Live More In The Moment
• Like many people, I worry about the future. I worry where the military is going to send us next, how my husband's career is progressing, what my children are growing into, if God will bless us with another, what I am missing back home, that I am missing out on moments that I can never get back with people I love...And that worry weighs on me like it would anyone. It causes me to snap and be irritable with my children and husband, to frown more than I smile some days, and to miss out on the beautiful moments taking place right in front of me. And I don't like that. I understand that I do need to be conscience of where we are headed, but not so much that I am missing out on what I have right now. I need to grasp onto these moments, because they are going by so fast.
• De-Clutter
• We really have too much stuff. It's time to go through and de-clutter. Keep what is really important, but say goodbye to the rest of it. It will help me to feel less stressed I think, and it will help me to simplify, which I think will be good for the whole family. I have a cleaning schedule in the house, now I just need to add a de-cluttering schedule to that and I'll be good. 
• Sing more.
• The word needs more music!
• Work on my relationship with God. 
• It's a resolution every year, and every year I feel myself drawing closer to Him. It's a good feeling, so I want to keep it going.
• Have another baby.
• Not so much a resolution, but a goal for sure for the Gordon Family in 2013. Parker has requested a girl. I think Daddy has too, and I am pretty sure Sebastian won't care. We shall see what happens.

Work In Progress

My blog, like my self, is always a work in progress. It changes as I change, but I find I am coming very close to something I am happy with, and might be for awhile. I am not 100% happy with my banner, but that can be changed, and probably will be with the arrival of Baby Legs in just about 10 weeks. (Since it is after midnight on the East Coast and that is where I am at the moment, I am officially 30 weeks right now!)

The point is that, for right now at least, my blog is getting closer to where I want it. I added something tonight that I am just so darn proud of that I felt the need to share it! Who cares what anyone else thinks, because I am thrilled!

My First Award...Make That AwardS

This must be my weekend! I found out just this morning that I got not only my first, but my second award for this blog!!! What a great way to start off a 4 day weekend, right?

Oh Yum!

I was checking out some of the blogs that I read and saw a post about Dr. Pepper Cake over at the Trendy Treehouse! If you know me at all, you know how I feel about Dr. Pepper, so I am going to have to try this sometime soon. Maybe for our 4th of July bar-b-q. If anyone gets the chance to try it before me, let me know how it went. Also, swing over to the Trendy Treehouse to let her know you tried it too, since she is the one who posted it to begin with!

It Starts

So...we started cloth diapering today. It went well. In fact, it went so well that I wrote not one, but two blogs about it over on my cloth diapering blog! Feel free to go check them out. 

A Little New

So, I'm doing a couple of small changes to the blog this weekend. First off, I have a new siggy. (Part of the reason I am typing this is to check it out.) Second, I will be re-vamping the blogs header. 

I also have added Picture of the Week and Quote of the Week boxes in the left and right columns. It is an idea I got from my cousin, so thank you Alexandra! I think it's a really neat addition to any blog!

U is For...

...Update!

I don't blog enough! It's funny, because I find it so therapeutic. I can't tell you how many times in a day I find myself mentally writing blogs that I never end up actually putting down. I guess part of it could be that I am worried that no one wants to hear what I have to say. That in its self is odd, since I've never really cared before...

Of course, it could also be the lack of time I find myself with. Usually my "Mental Blogs" get written as I'm changing a load of laundry from the washer to the dryer or cleaning baby poop off of whatever surface it has managed to make its way onto or falling asleep after another long day. I wish that I could wear some hat that would transmit my thoughts directly into the blog. There would be a lot more to read.

A lot is going on right now, thought not much of much interest to anyone but us. We (and by we I mean I) have been doing a ton of laundry in preparation for our big trip next week! I can not believe that at this time next week we will be in Ohio! I am so excited to see our friends and family! I am petrified of the plane trip that will come first, but I am putting my prayers in with the Big Guy that we all make it through unharmed. I know already that we won't have enough time! No matter how much we plan and how much time we get to spend with everybody it won't be enough! The thought of going home already brings tears to my eyes...but I am going to try not to think about that too much, especially since our trip hasn't even started.

Parker is learning something new every day it seems. Tonight he turned the light in his bedroom on and off all by himself when it was bed time. If I say "Let's go potty!" he will walk right into the bathroom and lift up is potty seat lid! He knows where to go when we say it's bed time or bath time. He is just so smart and such an amazing little blessing! He makes my cry daily, but not in a bad way. Every time he learns something new or does something sweet (like his out-of-the-blue Mommy kisses!) my eyes tear up. I thought my hormones were supposed to be back to normal by now...or at least, normal for me.

We have successfully weaned. I remember wondering a little over a year ago how breast feeding was going to go. It seemed like such an odd thing to me. From those first minutes together though I had loved it, and weaning him has broken my heart. Michael spent the first few nights holding me and convincing me I wasn't a terrible mother and that Parker would still want to snuggle with me even when I wasn't breastfeeding him. There was a lot of will power used not to have him nurse just one more time...but I got through it. Parker took the transition wonderfully and doesn't seem to miss it at all. I miss it, but it was necessary, and being able to breast feed for a year when I didn't know if I would be able to make is 6 weeks was amazing! 

I would have probably done it longer...but in order for them to test my prolactin levels to see what my normal base line is (which is much higher than most people) I have to be done feeding even though I will still lactate until they have me back on my medication. Once back on my meds my cycles will start going back to normal and my levels will inch down which will enable us to start thinking about doing it all over again! (Not saying that we haven't thought about it already, but it's not possible until I'm back on my medications.) I am not looking forward to it. I am not looking forward to the blood work (there is a lot of it) or the MRI (they make me claustrophobic) or the medication. (which makes me sick as a dog when I take it...worse than any morning sickness, flu, stomach virus...) But, it is what we need to do for our family...not just for future babies, but so I can be as healthy as I can for my son and husband...so I'll do it and somehow get through it!

All that will have to wait until we are home from our vacation though, and then the battle will start with trying to get a referral to a competent endocrinologist...which I am not sure exists in Idaho. We shall see, and I will be sure to keep the updates coming.

Parker's one year check up is on Friday, which means shots again. (yuck!) Michael will be working and unable to be there, but I got pretty good at doing it alone while he was gone. I'm a little worried about the MMR, which I had a severe allergic reaction to, but I am going to talk to the doctor about that and see what he thinks. We shall see.

God bless and thank you for reading! 

First Letters...First Words

I used to blog all the time. It was an outlet for me. Sometimes about life...and who doesn't need an outlet for life. Sometimes about my opinions, which tend to be harsh and unmoving where I have them. I always called those my Soapbox Blogs. Sometimes just to get the stories and thoughts that seem to always be swimming around in my head OUT.

I haven't written...REALLY written...in months. Seems when I have needed it most is when I have stopped. I could say for lack of time and energy, which IS true, but I am finding more and more that is is important that I make the time. Even if it is only a few lines. I am missing my most used mode of self expression.

So here it is, my attempt at starting up something I need and love again. I can't begin to tell you what you might find here. My hopes and dreams. My rants. My stories...you might find one or all. If you read, thank you. If not, I don't blame you. If I don't want it tumbling around in my head I can more than understand others not wanting to read it.

If you do choose to read, you might want to know a little about me. You will learn a lot from what I write I think, but until I have written more than this short blog, here is a brief description:

I am a wife, a mother, a military spouse. A sister, a daughter, a grand-daughter, an aunt. A cousin, a niece. A best friend. I am a lover, a fighter, a sinner...a sinner desperately seeking my savior. I am a dreamer.

Thank you for reading.