Hi. My name is Holly, and I'm...

...Loud. If you've met me you already know this. If you haven't this is your warning. It's not like I go around screaming in libraries or anything, but you probably won't have to strain to hear me often either. I'm loud. I've spent a lot of my life trying not to be loud, being made to feel bad about it, or being judged for it. I'm still loud. I also curse more than I should. (Sorry, Grandmama.) I'm trying to get better about the cursing though. After all, the littles are watching. Besides, thinking of creative, non-cursing ways to express myself can be fun. Or at least figuring out non-American curses I can throw at people that sound awesome enough that people aren't entirely sure what I'm calling them until I'm long gone. 

Anyways...

Apparently some people think my being loud means that I'm angry all the time or something. It doesn't. I'm always loud. I'm loud when I'm angry, yes, but I'm also loud when I'm happy, sad, scared, delighted, perplexed, excited, tired, giddy...You get the idea. I'm loud. I'm not loud when it isn't appropriate. I'm not loud, or even talkative when I'm out of my element or around people I don't know. In fact, quite the opposite, I tend to get so quiet that I can apparently come off as standoffish and "bitchy". I guess I'm "loud" even in my silence. I suppose I make up for that by being extra loud when I'm in my spaces and around people I'm comfortable with. Here in Colorado that would be my family.  

People apparently don't like this. I've apparently become the talk of some of the more childish folks here on base. And you know what. I'm okay with it. It's taken me quite awhile, but there are some things about me that I'm starting to like. Not all of the time. Old habits are hard to break, so I don't want it to seem like I'm dancing around 24/7 with an "I don't give a #*$%!" attitude. But I have this inner bad ass named Roxie that started to appear sometime around 30, and sometimes when it starts to bother what other people say or think she'll appear, give me a good kick in the tush, and say something like "Jesus, Holly, you're loud! It's who you are. They can get over it or they can go screw themselves, but it's their loss. Not yours."

So, I'm loud. That's my great confession of the day. That, and I guess the fact that I have an imaginary inner bad ass named Roxie. *thumbs up* I'm kind of strange. 

Michael's on mids tonight, the boys room has been silent for awhile, and my tiny dancer is fast asleep. I could clean, watch Doctor Who reruns, read...Decisions, decisions. 

(Immediately after writing that a little boy that I know sneaked up silently and peeked through my door. It took everything in me not to scream bloody murder. Never a dull moment with these three!) 

Hello Thirty! I'm ready.

"Hello Thirty! I'm ready." I confidently typed these four words into my status box on Facebook at exactly 12:00 am on December 29th and posted it with a nod of my head. It was here. The day I'd been dreading counting down to for quite awhile. And I really did feel ready when I posted it. My confidence was only increased by the fact that I neither sprouted 40 gray hairs spontaneously nor combusted in the first few minutes of being thirty, both of which I had considered a possibility.

You see, I was eight when my mother turned thirty. I remember that she spent the day crying and bemoaning her advanced age, and I decided that thirty must certainly be when your life ended! I've held on to that irrational fear my entire life, and it just increased the closer I got to thirty. Now it was here, staring me in the face, and I didn't want to leave the same impression on my children that had been left on me. (I love you, Mom, but you scarred me about this whole thirty thing. ;) ) I decided that thirty was going to be wonderful. After all, the amazing Kate Winslet had inspired me with the grace that she had approached thirty several years ago. I remembered pouring over magazine interviews as her Big Birthday had approached, and she made it seem like an exciting new chapter instead of impending doom. I figured I could do that too, though probably not with as much awesomeness as Ms. Winslet usually possesses. (Not many people have that much awesomeness you know.) So I really did mean it when I typed that I was ready. Besides, it was coming, no matter if I was ready or wasn't.

This is the very last picture of me in my 20s, taken about 5 minutes before midnight. I didn't edit it at all, so please excuse my jammies and lack of make up. :) 

The next morning I had another moment of panic, staring at my thirty year old self in the mirror, momentarily sure that I could see the beginning of wrinkles and age spots that had not been there the night before. Then I gave myself a harsh mental shake, slapped on some kick ass red lipstick, and strode boldly out to take Thirty by the horns and show it exactly how much I could rock it. If I have to be Thirty, I'm going to own it!

And what better way to start my new decade than a day with some of my favorite people in the world?! Several years ago, I'd decided that I wanted to have a Build a Bear birthday party to celebrate entering a new decade. It seemed appropriate when I'd had the idea, and we decided to stick to the plan. Michael, Parker, Sebastian, and Alex made up my birthday party, and I couldn't have asked for a better group to celebrate with! Alex had never been before, and I think she had just as much fun as the rest of us. (And Michael, who truly hates the place, managed to avoid any comments about how he could feel his skin burning as we walked in. That is a huge step for him!)

Bears (and mouse) were selected and ready to stuff. Apparently, everyone else had the exact same idea that day, so we had to wait in a long line that stretched into the main part of the mall.

For anyone who hasn't been there before, they have an entire "stuffing" ceremony where you rub your furry friend's new heart on your muscles so they can be strong, your head so they can me smart, your cheek so they can be as cute as you are, etc. Then you put it on your nose and make a wish before placing the new heart inside your new fluffy friend. Then you give them a bath, clothes, and a name, and get a birth certificate in return.

We all played along with enthusiasm, and Michael followed us around taking pictures and trying to look cheerful to be there. :)

 You even get to step on the peddle that fills your animal with stuffing from the stuffing machine. Sebastian tried, but needed a little help from Big Brother.

Alex's turn to stuff her bear, Burt, and then check it's "fluffyness" before he got stitched up and washed.

 Parker's outfit choice should have been fairly predictable. :)

 Alex and her Bear in Uniform!

Parker, Ohio State the Bear, Mommy, Milo the Mouse, Burt the Bear, Alex, Sebastian, and Bear/Banana the Bear

After Build a Bear, we went to Half Price Books, because no birthday could be complete without a visit to the bookstore! We also went to Bell Book and Comic (if you live in the Dayton area and happen to be a nerd/geek you should check it out) where Michael bought me Firefly: The Board Game! (Firefly is a post of its own, but it's an awesome gift, I assure you!) Then we were off to Mom's house for cake.

The day before my birthday Michael and I went up to visit his mother, leaving the boys with Grandmama, Grandpapa, and Alex. They decided to make and decorate a cake for Mommy's birthday, and I have to say that I think it was beautiful! I don't know many other 4 and 2 year olds who could ice a cake so beautifully.

In case you were wondering, yes, there were 30 candles on my cake, and yes, I blew them all out. 

We hit up another book store, because no birthday would be complete without books, stopped in to visit with my siblings, SIL, and niece, and then decided on BDubs for dinner. It was a fabulous idea. The food was delicious. The company was better!

 Helllooooo Thirty!

 Notice Parker's photo bomb?

My big guy is always up for some silly faces!

My little ham.

Bear, who was left at Hootie's house on Christmas Eve, was finally reunited with the family while we visited with Mom on my birthday. Everyone was happy to have him back. (And he hasn't left Sebastian's side since their reunion, which would have been complete with some Chariots of Fire music and confetti.)

We might have duck faced. Don't judge. We were making silly faces, and it doesn't get much sillier than a duck face. ;)

We got home late and still didn't go to bed! This much party can't be contained in just a few hours. It can't even be contained in a single day. (Michael will be taking me out on a grown-up birthday date later in the week. I might even find a little black dress to wear. I've never had a little black dress.) It was an amazing day, and a wonderful way to start this new chapter of my life. My 20s are over and behind me. Some amazing things happened in my 20s, and sometime soon I will sit down and look through The Great Big Book of Twenties, laughing and crying over the memories. But this day was about my thirties! How they are here, and I survived the first day, and I plan on rocking Thirty! Truly, I am going to own this year. It is going to be the best year ever. Believe that!

My other was scared to death that I was going to catch my hair on fire. That would have made for quite a picture!

 

P90X Week 6

It's week 6. Since it is a 13 week program, that means I am almost at the half way point. Mid-way through next week will be half way I guess. That is exciting. It really has gone faster than I thought it would. It's been pretty fun too.

No reason to stall. Let's jump right in!

P90X Week 5

Woo hoo! Week five! That means I start Phase Two today. Part of me never thought I would make it this far. Yes, I have far to go, but I am really pleased that I have stuck with it this long. It's not easy, but it is something I actually am starting to enjoy. (Except for Plyometrics. I will never enjoy Plyometrics.)

I will be doing two new videos this week, plus some of my old favorites. And (AHHHHHH!) I'll be doing plyometrics again this week. I did enjoy a week off from that. Ah well.

I will also hit 30 days this week, which marks 1/3 of the way done. I'm excited! Lets get started! Do your best and forget the rest!

P90X Week 4

Week 4. This is going to be one of those weeks. I can already tell. Not because of P90X or anything, but there are going to be a lot of outside distractions. Michael says he can already see my body shape changing, so that is always nice. I mean, no one looks at my body as much as he does, right?

What I am hoping is that I can get so sexified by the time he comes home that he doesn't even recognize me. Let's see if we can make that happen, shall we? ;0)

P90X Week 3

Week three. Already? I'll be done with this before I know it. :0)

Last week didn't start off how I wanted it to. My first day of week two, I missed a day. And I felt terrible about it. A complete and total failure. Michael pointed out, and he was right, that I was being to hard on myself. (What in the world would I do without that man?)

 

Listen, this is life, and sometimes life happens in a big way. Last week we were getting ready for my son's birthday party like crazy people. Not only that, but the little man had several days in a row where he was just generally inconsolable. Every time I tried to put him down he was screaming. Not fussing, but screaming. It happens. It wasn't like I just said "Pshhh. I don't want to do that today." I did want to. I spent the greater part of the day wearing my workout clothes and trying to start, only to be stopped by a party issue or a screaming 7 month old. That's life, and it happens. Even athletes have days they don't get to hit the gym. It's not about the days you miss, but the fact that you jump right back on the next day that shows your commitment.

 

So, I jumped right back in with both feet. Even though we were on vacation last week, I did it. I'm a little behind where I was on dates, but I'm not behind. I'm right where I need to be in my journey to become a happier, healthier me. Mentally, I'm in it. :0) So, let's get started with week three!

P90X Week 2

Week two of P90X, let's begin. I'm really proud of myself after last week, and I'm going to keep it up! After all, it's not just for my family, but for me too. Besides, it was actually a lot of fun...with a few minor exceptions. (Plyometrics, I'm looking at you here.)

I guess it's time to jump right in!

Just Another Manic Monday

Another new pictures, another new quote, another new week. It doesn't even really feel like I had a weekend with hubby on weekend duty all weekend. We'll make up for it next weekend though.

Nine years ago today I graduated from high school. I don't know why that makes me feel so old. I'm only 26, which some days still feels very young to me. (Some days I feel ancient though.) I just can't believe that it's been none years. It just seems like it went by so very fast! It makes me wonder how fast the next 9 years will go. My goodness, my son will be ten in nine years! I don't think I'm even ready to think about that.

The USAF: Reflections

Looking at my blog, I guess I really don't blog about the Air Force much. I probably should. After all it's a major part of our lives...and often a frustrating one...and blogging is one of my main sources for venting my frustrations.

Flashback Friday: Because It's The Thing To Do

A few of my friends are doing this on their blogs, so I decided to jump on the bandwagon before it gets too full and I can't find a seat. Can't say if I'll do it every Friday, but it seems like it might be fun.

Healthy Mommy Pledge

  I got this from my friend, Mrs. Muffins over at her blog. I love the idea, and wanted to re-post it here! Goodness knows I have enough working against my health, I don't need to be working against it myself! So, I signed the pledge, and hope you will too!

Mommy Diet

 

I heard somewhere, and I can't for the life of me remember where now, of a mother doing a unique diet. Her rule was very simple...if she wouldn't let her children eat it, she didn't eat it either.

It sounds simple. After all, that is common sense, right? But really think about it. Think about all the things that we might snack on during the day that if our children asked we'd tell them no. Surely if your 3 year old asked for a handful of M&Ms an hour before dinner, we'd say no...but we might snack on that same handful while preparing a simple, healthy dinner. How many times have you ordered them the kids meal with apple slices and milk while you still munch on the fries and pop that comes with your value meal? As grown ups, there are a lot of things we eat and drink throughout the day that we would nix immediately if our children asked for the same thing.

On the reverse of that, how many times have you been so worried about making sure that they get three healthy, square meals a day and then skipped lunch or dinner yourself? 

Now, obviously there are exceptions. A mother with an infant can't be expected to live off of breast milk or formula! A grown adult isn't going to find much satisfaction in a jar of baby food. Still, common sense can be used to say to yourself, "You know, when Junior is 5 if he wanted 3 Oreos and a bowl of Frosted Flakes for lunch, I'd say no." 

I've decided that I'm going to do this as my new Mommy Diet. I have enough working against me to keep healthy with my thyroid and my tumor, I don't need to be adding to it with anything, even something as simple as an extra handful of M&Ms. I've made the commitment to work out every day and only eat things I would say yes to if Parker was asking. (The exception to this will probably be Dr.Pepper...it's like crack to me! But I limit myself to one when I have one.) I also have to get back to the doctor and on my tumor medication...which will make me sick as a dog, but I need it to be as healthy a me as I can be! That and my thyroid are in the hands of God though. What I choose to put into my body are in mine. 

God bless, and thank you for reading!

About Our Family

The above picture seems like it was taken such a long time ago, and on the other hand it seems like it was just yesterday. In reality, it's been over a year since this was taken. Our son, Parker, was less than a month old. It's still one of my favorite family pictures, despite the fact that Parker is obviously deeply unimpressed. This picture was a long time coming in our lives.

Michael and I met when we were 16 and 19 years old. I trained him on a register at Wendys. It was the first time I had ever trained someone, and I was so nervous that I was going to mess it up. He told me I was hovering, and I remember liking his freckles. Not the most romantic story ever, but that is how we met. I plan on making up something cuter to tell our children one day.

We didn't start dating for two years. We were friends, in fact, he was my best friend, but we didn't become a couple for quite awhile. Apparently, we were the last people to see it coming too. I suppose that's often how it goes. It was January of 2002 before we made it "official", whatever that means, but I was already pretty head over heels by that point.

We were engaged before we had been together 5 months. I guess once it hit, it hit hard.

 

(Wow, we look so young!!!)

We were married in May of 2005. It was a long engagement. We were hoping I'd be done with school, but due to some scheduling conflicts with classes, I was still a semester away. It was the most beautiful day I had ever seen. I had the most handsome man waiting for me at the other end of the isle. It was small and cheaply done. My mother made my bouquet, my grandmother made my cake, we used an iPod for a DJ, and we all decorated the basement of the church together the night before...but it was the most beautiful wedding you could imagine!

We had hoped to try for children when we'd been married about a year, but I'm broken. I have a tumor on my pituitary gland. It's non-cancerous, as far as they know, but it presses against my gland and causes it to release extra prolactin into my system. In very simple terms, it tricks my body into thinking I am already pregnant and/or breastfeeding, making it very difficult or impossible to get pregnant in some cases. There are medications to help decrease the levels and the size of the tumor, but even seeing an endocrinologist is expensive, not to mention the MRIs and medication...I was teaching, Michael was bartending, and we were far from rich. With what my levels were we were told that trying would be pointless, and that even if I got pregnant my body would probably kill my baby. 

I also have a thyroid disorder, which can make pregnancy difficult anyways. Seemed like I had all the odds stacked against me.  

It was rough on us. It was rough on our marriage. Having children was something that had to go on the back burner for awhile, and it killed me. I had an amazing husband though, who got me through the roughest of times and promised me that, when the time was right, God would give us our baby. I trusted him sometimes. 

If you are interested in learning more about prolactinomas, feel free to check out Wikipedia, Med TV, the Endocrin and Metabolic Diseases website, Google Health, or any other medical web sites. Honestly, there is more to tell about them that I could write in several blogs, but it is a common issue that many women, and men, struggle with.

In 2007 Michael fulfilled a life long dream and joined the United States Air Force. He left for BMT on our 2nd wedding anniversary. I can not begin to express how proud I am of my husband! He serves our country to make it better and safer for everyone, and he provides for our family doing what he does. He was gone for 7 months of training, and it was hard. I got to go down to visit him in Texas a few times, but it was the longest we had ever been apart. It was worth it though! I support him in everything he does and am a very proud military wife.

We got stationed in Idaho...yes, there is a base out here. I didn't believe it either. The day after my 24th birthday we left Ohio and drove across the country to our new home. I can't say we're in love with it, but it is home for now. 

In the Summer of 2008 we decided to Hell with the doctors and medical science. I was on medication for my tumor that made me sick as a dog twice a week, and we still couldn't get the OK to start trying. "It wasn't the right time" or "Just a little longer" or "Maybe next year.". It was again starting to bring me down and down far, and finally one night Michael just said to Hell with it, we would try and leave it in God's hands and let Him, not some doctor, decide when the time was right.

Apparently, God was just waiting for us to hand over the reins. After years of negative pregnancy tests, tears, worries that it would never happen, we got pregnant! Our little surprise Bunny Boo (because we decided not to find out the sex until the baby was born) was due in April 2009! I was scared that my damn body would reject my little miracle, but Michael had no worry, and in the end he was right. On April, 13, 2009, one day short of my due date, our first child was born.

 

We named our son Michael Parker-Maxwin. We had always known that our first boy would be Michael Parker. It had been something we talked about on our 3rd or 4th date I think. Michael after his Daddy and Parker because it was a name we both liked, but when our son was born, Michael said he looked like his grandfather, Max Edwin, who had passed away the Spring before. So, after three days in the hospital trying to decide, we added Maxwin to our baby boy's name. I love it, and love that it is unique without being weird.

And so our duo became a trio shortly before our 4th wedding anniversary. It made our family so much better. It was wonderful and whole before, but Parker made it more so.

And that is our family. Well, us, two cats and a dog...our other children...Shamrock, Tessa and Jake. 

We just went through our first deployment. It was so hard. So very hard. But I think it too has made us stronger. I know nothing can get to us now, not if we can survive that.

Now that I have written a short novel, I'll be off. I think you know all you need to know, and probably more than you wanted about our little family.

As always, Thank You For Reading.